All We Ever Needed
by Jasey Ray
Summary: Will's 16 but might as well be 40. Helping his dad raise his brother doesn't make much room for the life most kids lead. Then after a night like no other he tries to figure out how to balance his life and the one he wants- even if she's with someone else
1. Chapter 1

April

Chapter 1

Summer, I guess, is a time for reinventing yourself.

I mean you look around that first day and see everyone so different from when you last saw them. The girls are all tanned and their hair is dyed and they had the new outfits and all of that stuff. Everyone everything. Backpacks and clothes and looks and attitudes, all to go along with the year they say will be the best- but still have a chance of being the worst. I pulled into the parking space I finally could afford in my crappy used car and prepared myself for another year.

Everyone is usually ready for this. Happy to show off all the progress they've made since last school year and showing how much you can change in two months to doing absolutely nothing really. Except the few of us that had to work summer jobs. I worked full time all summer getting enough money to pay for a parking space and whatever school supplies I needed and the clothes that would have to fit me all year or until I had enough money left over to go to the Kerrington mall and buy new clothes, which I know would only happen next year after a summer of working full time.

I did have a few breathes of air to hang out with my friends. There were a few seconds where I could stop sit down and just hang out. Do nothing e all were, but they were rare. Like a vacation in the school year. And I tried my best to not let the crappy life I have planned out around my job unloading food at a grocery store take over that one moment I had away from everything.

My friends went to parties and got girlfriends- most of which weren't their girlfriends right now. They drove around and enjoyed being juniors. The seniors were all off to college. We heard about a few who were in a band and going on tour an stuff in a little van, but other than that they were all gone leaving us to figure out what they call the best two years in the Kerrington school system. Which compared to the summer I just experienced was going to suck.

I slipped my houlder through one strap of the same faded worn bag I've had since I was a freshman. My dad and I don't have much money and we try our best not to let my little brother know that. My dad is trying to get a promotion while I'm learning how to support myself on minimum wage. We give everything to Matt basically. Everything we possibly can. But he's the most understanding nine-year-old in the history of younger kids. Which makes everything even harder.

The school looked bigger than it actually was. I walked up looking at the grey building I've gone to for two years not knowing how I survived. I'm not popular. I don't have the right clothes. Girls never like me enough to date me more than a few times. I don't hang out in the popular crowd and I just slip under the radar. I probably won't even make it to college. I'll just end up working full time for the rest of my life like people expect me to.

The kids hanging around the front meet up with each other all feeling older while the freshman are inside trying to find their lockers feeling extremely young and naive. There is nothing good about starting a new school year. It just means another step towards graduating- where most kids are going to escape into the world and do great things- and me finding a full time job to help my dad keep Matt's life the same way it's always been. The life where he always gets just enough and never too much of a good thing. And the life where my dad and I give our all to make sure he does.

My friends are sitting on the wall like they always are. I walk up and stand there with them. Josh is sitting all over this girl Charlotte he started dating over the summer while the rest of us just hang out. There's the four of us; Josh, Zack, me and Adam. We hang out all the time and were sort o stuck together in middle school because jocks didn't find it necessary to have kids like us around them. I had to quit track anyway, which makes me the only one who has to work while the rest of them go to track meets. I sort of miss running, but I figure working is more important.

"Hey man," Zack says. He gives me a high five.

"Hey," I say just as Charlotte bursts out laughing at something Josh said. I run a hand through my hair, knowing it wasn't about me probably, but I can't help feeling a wave of self consciousness. "What's up?"

There isn't much to talk about. We all have the same lunches and we all are generally in the same classes. We all don't want to be here but for all different reasons. Charlotte and Josh seem the happiest to be here because at least they have a few minutes ot be all over each other before the bell. Before we start another year and are expected to show of the new people we all became.

I'm nothing new. I'm the same person I was in June on the last day, just overworked now.

When the bell rings we all get crammed into the building. We all go to our homerooms and sit down looking around at the popular kids who are gawking about how much better looking they got over the summer. I'm just the same average normal guy sitting down. Josh next to me and Charlotte beside him. I listen to the announcements. Closing my eyes. I could have used a few more hours of sleep but I don't complain. I had my honey-nut Cheerios this morning and my coffee. I'm good for now. But I feel exhaustion setting in. I make a promise not to fall asleep today.

Looking up I lean on my arm. Charlotte is alright. She has a weird laugh but I guess she's cool. She has this blond hair and always wears it down, flipping it around like it's alive and attacking her neck. I watch her counting how many times she flipped it during one minute; 34 times. But my eyes travel beyond her.

In middle school I was average. I didn't need to worry about Matt, I hated him and my mum was around to worry about him. I was a short little kid. I could run wicked fast though. I still hold the record in the middle school for fastest timed mile. But I had one accomplishment that seemed like something worth more than the trophies and crappy sweatshirts I got every new season. I girl asked me out. Not just any girl. Ashley Hansen, who was pretty and hung around with the "posse" of girls who made 'Bitch Lists' and everything. And out of the few conversations we had with each other she wasn't into that stuff. But of all things I sent Josh to tell her I didn't want to be her boyfriend anymore and we haven't talked since.

She sat there next to Charlotte. Barely listening and ready to fall asleep. Unlike the short three months we were "going out" I was taller than her now. She was small and the same. She was tanned of course, and giving off the look of summer. It's always weird seeing her. We used ot have science together freshman year and whenever we were partnered we always just ignored each other. It's always been awkward.

And even though it's been three years since the day I sent Josh to break up with her for me, I feel like I've been through ten. I feel so much older than everyone. I feel ancient. Like I shouldn't be here listening to girls chewing bubble gm and freaking out about seeing their summer boyfriends and the guys around me talking about how many girls they fucked this summer. I feel like I was held back a hundred times. I'm sixteen, I could drop out. I have thought about it. But I couldn't do that. Matt'd think it's okay to quit school and count the days until he can. But of all things we want him to get to a college.

It's weird the things we sacrifice for the people we love.

I go to the same classes I have since first grade to learn harder versions of the same thing. I get sheets and supplies lists and requirements. I have to kno how to carry a conversation in Spanish. I need to know the organs of a human and or animal- and I need to have a strong stomach too because we're going to dissect dead animals this year too. I need to know all the algebra I've ever learned. I need to know who discovered the western continents and when. I need to know how to write essays and decode Shakespeare. I need to know a lot of things. And no matter how overwhelming it is I walk out of each class relieved it's over.

We sit outside for lunch. In Kerrington we have a weird social pyramid of sorts. There are the generic popular crowd. The people who are good at everything, good looking, and into the school and everything. Then there is the occasional freak. The person who rises above everyone. I walked past her, and she seems sort of normal. I don't know her name, I anow to step back when she walks down the halls and look at her. The weird part is, she's just small. She looks harmless. She's wearing a t-shirt with the words "Red Letter" across the chest whatever that means, and she's innocent looking. Whatever decides these things obviously aren't passed down to our classes.

Our table is small. I sit at the end making it later than everyone. Josh has his hands all over Charlotte again as she giggles and flips her hair. Zack and Adam act normal. "Bill," Adam says leaning over looking at me. "Dude, stay after for track. Coach asked me if you were doing it this year, we need you."

I shake my head. "I have to pick Matt up from school." I say. "I can't do it this year. Maybe in the spring."

"Come on," Zack says. "You've been giving that excuse every season. Get Matt a bus pass and tay after." The thing is I can't. att gets teased a lot at school. He wears glasses that are all broken and crooked because we can't get him new ones for a little while. He doesn't need them uch longer, but it's hard on a kid who doesn't have the right clothes or a computer to do all the things kids do now. He got beat up last year, an even though e's got a tight group of friends, a few kid who are friends with the kid who beat him up and picked on him is on the same bus as he'd be. So I drive him to and from school.

It's tough being a kid now. But I'm trying to look after him even more than ever. "I can't," I say. I don't have much of a fight after this. They usually let up and move on. Complain to me that they need me for the finals. I'm probably slower than the entire team by now. I don't run too much, I probably lost a lot of my speed anyways. They don't need me.

Another year, same as any other with all new kids. The sam kids you've known for all tohse past years that were the best for some and the worst for others. We're all the same and all different. I don't really now the difference actually. I just know I wish things were easier. I wisheverything would jsut fall into place and I didn't have to work m ass off to buy the brand name of Matt's favorite cereal and settle for the fake generic kind for myself.

I miss being young like Matt when people looked out for me and I could even look after myself.

* * *

**A/N: What do you think? I just came up with this. Any ideas? Anyone want me to continue? Predictions? Feelings? Ideas?**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I pulled up to the elementary school. The buses just pulling out. I pulled up to Matt waiting calmly alone underneath this tree that's been there forever outside of that school. He's short like I was. In fact we always looked alike. We have the same hair as our mother, curly and brown. The same face eyes and everything. Except he's smaller than I ever was and he has glasses. I needed braces, though, so I didn't have it any easier. He got into my car in the back buckling his seatbelt. "Hi," He says. He used to complain about the used car smell but I have about fifteen air fresheners hanging from my reaerview mirror alone, and keep my windows pen as much as possible, making car rides less painful.

"Hey," I look at him through my rear-view mirror. I tell him all the time he can sit up front with me, but he choses not to. I see other kids getting into the passenger seats too, but Matt still sits back there. Looking out the window and not paying much attention. Somethings bugging him. "What's up?"

He looks up. "Nothing," He says.

I keep looking back at him. "How was school?" I ask. It bugs me a lot when something's wrong ande pretends like it's nothing. He doesn't tell me unti I force it out. But I try not to. I just ask him questions that would at least help me understand what's going on a little. But he shrugs saying he had gym today instead of chorus. That's it. Gym.

He's not very athletic. He can't run well and he has bad reflexes to random objects flying at him. He got hit in the gut by a baseball once and he never really got over it. Gym's his downfall. He gets picked on because of that too. Even though "nerd" isn't bad compared to what half the kids in the high school get called, I still think it's doing a number on him. I feel awful. I've offered to teach him how to play football or take him to the batting cages all the time. But once he started thinking he was wasting my quarters dodging ball whizzing past him and missing every ball I threw to him, he just says no and goes back to whatever he was doing.

A few years ago we stopped being able ot pay the TV bill. So we lost cable for a little while. That's when I didn't have a job and things got bad. So I taught Matt how to read. It was just after my mum's cancer. I took the books she taught me from and got Matt into reading. I want him to be smart and go to college someday. He has to get a lot of scholarships and crap, but I think he can. Her ets all As and One-hundreds on his tests so there's more hope for him than me. I got held back and by then they realize that maybe you're not made for the advanced classes and keep you in average ones. I don't have time to study. I do alright on tests. I never get Fs or anything. But I don't really pay attetion to grades. Unless they're Matt's grades. Then I care.

Him and my mum were close. He was her little boy and I was my dad's son. When she got diagnosed we didn't tell Matt. When her hair fell out we jsut told him she was sick. Making him think it was sometihng liek a cold and she'd get better. But she didn't and wewoke up one dy an it was the three of us.

Movies and TV shows make it look like a house of three guys is disfunctional as shit. It's not really. We may not have money spewing out of our ears and noses but we eat and we live. We may not get to watch TV sometimes but it's not like we even have time to. Except for Matt who reads when he tries to tun the TV on and I unplugged it so he doesn't see that all we get is static and a screen of running screaming ants. He's not little anymore and he knows that we missed that bill and stopped asking about it and picks up another book. Next month the TV works again so he jsut watches it when he can.

When I need to type papers he goes to the library with me and he looks at books while I type my paper up. He's cool about everythign he's not supposed to be. He doesn't ask why we don't have video games, or why the TV broke, or even why I can't fix it or why he can't plug it in. He knows there's something going on he just doesn't know what.

"Do you want to get milkshake?" I ask.

That brightens him up a little. He looks at me excitedly. "Sure," He says. At Route 27 I pass the IHOP and go towards the McDonalds. I have to work, and I only have evough money for one. But I pull up an order him a large chocolate shake. He sits there silently trying not to act too excited or anything. He doesn't want to make it look like he's desperate. But when the girl hands it to me and I pass it back to him, he takes it thanking me.

I give the girl the five I have and she gives me change. Idrive away. And the ride is silent. I sweat by the time we're home half of that milkshake is gone. And Matt doesn't say anything. He jsut sips. Taking in the thick chocolate shake. Making it last without letting the taste disapeear form his mouth at all. I pull up front and he gets out. "Thanks Will," He says looking at me.

There are times I guess when you can see you've made someone's day. I rarely make Matt's day. But when I do I know it's worth it. I smile and say "You're welcome," and he walked into our small little house. I stop and look at it. It's yellow with black shutters. I have it memorized. My mother's flowers keep comgn back. I water them with water bottles I find around the house. It's never a lot or enough for all of them, but it's enough to keep them alive. To keep the flowers blooming and the vines crawling to cover my hosue and us inside.

The front door shuts behind Matt and I look at our little house. It was left ot my parents so we don't have to worry about a mortgage. It's all paid off somehow. Leaving everything else for us to worry about. I pull away driving to the supermarket. My job and second home. I get my apron out of the backseat and walk up to the building. It's a nice chain one. And the reason it's nice is becuase they hired me.

* * *

I was checking out people's groceries. Mother's buying bags of fruits that are going to go bad while their kids enjoy the nice brand chips they buy alongside them. And it turs into a blur. Beep- beep- beep- beep- that will be A hundred-ten and ninty-five cents. The women mke a face at the sound writign a check. I wish I had that much money. They can just buy food with it. I take the check like it's a diamond. It's gold to me.

But it all goes by so fast. I just ring the food up. I was the twelve items and under register. They stuck me here because everyone prefers to do the self-check out. I stopped pausing having a short breathe of air. I looked around. There were tabloids in my register. This star did this! Oh no. How could she? And there are seven racks of assorted candy and gum. I basically have the regiter designed for mothers with small children with sweet teeth and fast arm movements to swip candy bars while their mothers comtemplate buying People Magazine or a tabloid.

I leaned back agaisnt the short wall seperating me form the chip display pressed against the registers. Watching as people load their shopping carts full of plastic bags. "Excuse me," I look at the girl who said that. Of all people it's Ashley Hansen. She approaches me carefully. Knowing well who I am, even if she didn't I was wearng a nametag. But she knows. Her head held high and her voice waverign in between confident and shy. "Are you hiring?" She asks.

She's not supposed to be Ashley Hansen anymore. "Yeah," I said. "Actually," I point back to the booth people buy scratch tickets an my boss works. "You can go fill out an application there."

This is another time when I feel like I'm much older than I actally am. Looking at Ashley Hansen it feels like she was my girlfriend twenty years ago instead of three almsot four. She smiles looking at me, probably thinking about the same thing I am. "Thanks," She says. And she walks past me. I watch her approach Don.

As sweet and happy Don looks to mother's and customers, he's realyl a giant intimidating guy. He doesn't get all sweet and peachy about his employees. If you're late he reminds you and writes you up. He loves writing people up. I've been written up twice becuase onces Matt was sick and I was late and I accidentally dropped a glass bottle of something and it shattered dodging a little kid running down the isle and pushing a hopping cart. If you get written up too many times in a week, you're gone. And I can't lose my job.

I watch as Ashley Hansen fills out her application an adds her resume I must have overlookedi n her hand. I wonder what it'll be like when she works here. Not many people apply here so the moment you apply you get a job. Half the kids who get jobs don't have resumes so it's almsot certain she's going to be my co-worker eventually.

But I turn back to a woman in a yellow sweat suit buying seven kiwis and a bottle of mageria mix. I look at her. There are some weird people in Kerrington, I'll tell you that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I got home at eight. I was getting paid this Friday but I work overtime sometimes. I missed dinner getting school supplies with coupons and twenty bucks I had bee savingall summer for it. And I came home, my dad on the couch watching baseball. He looked at me smiling little. "Work late again?" He asked.

"Yeah," I walked through the living room to the kitchen. Whenever I miss dinner I jsut have cereal. Whatever's left for me to makea bowl with. Our milk went bad this morning, but I still pour it in. I'll have to get some Friday. I write that on the grocery list I take to work every othe Friday when I get my paycheck. I take my bowl taking a bite. It doesn't taste that bad, I'm used to it- stale milk and cereal.

But my dad walks in. "How was school?" He asks.

"Fine," I said shrugging. "It's school."

My dad and I both were never geniuses. Never even close. We got the same grades academically and everything. He never went to college and neither will I. Our only hope is Matt. But it's weird how alien we are sometimes. It's liek we aren't related. But it's how we both are. We both care about Matt more than anything, and sharing him is all we have in common most days. He crossed his arms leaning against the counter across from me.

"Will," He says. I keep eating, but I look up chewing. I'm starving. Not from selling food all day but form skipping lunch. Idon't ahve any money in my school account and usually I skip it to save money. I have two meals a day most days. And my body can function off of that easily now. But this is how he starts talks. The talks are all the same. "You need to stop working so much. I can handle bills and working and everything. I don't need you doing so much. You do more than you should, and I don't want you missing out on anything."

The only thing is, I'm not missing out on anything. Parties and beer. That's it. I don't need those things. And that makes me even older. I don't want to go out and get "wasted" or anything. I'm jsut waiting to get out of school. It never clicked for me, and I'm not supposed to go to college or anything.

I chewed the cereal in my mouth before talking again. I didn't feel like fighting. Matt was home and he was upstairs after an already bad day on his first day of school. So I decided to end this now. "OK," I said. "I'll not work as much."

"I want you to go out this Friday with your friends." He said. I looked at my dad. I didn't think he knew I didn't mean it when I said I would, but here he thought of everything. And I was stuck. My friends always invited me places, I just worked.

I nodded. "OK," I said. "I'll go out with my friends." The truth is I haven't gone out with my friends for a while, but I knew I'd be invited this week. There was a party somewhere for sure. But I didn't know if I wanted to. I didn't like parties. But I could just go for my dad.

"Good," My dad said. Realizing how easy this was. We fell silent. He walked back to the living room with his head held up high by the confidence and satifactory of thinking me just saying it meant I was going out. I wasn't working so I didn't have to cancel. So I figured I _could_ go out. It wasn't a hue thing. It didn't really even matter whether or not I did. But I would. This Friday at least.

I finished my cereal and went upstairs. I chcked Matt's room. He was reading the Harry Potter series again and was sitting there reading the first one over again. He's read them since first grade. While other kids read Dr. Suess, Matt was busy read Three-hundred page fantasy books. I crossed my arms and leaned agaisnt his doorframe. "Hey," I said. "You should get some sleep."

He looked up a little. "One more chapter?" He asked.

"It's late," I said. He just looked at me. "Fine," I put my ands up in surrender. "If Dad comes upstairs don't say I said you could finish a chapter. It's all on you if he's mad."

"OK,"

I closed his door so it remained a crack open. Wlaking ot my own room. I sleep in the attic. It was redone for me when Matt came by my mum and dad. I went up the stairs to it. The slanted room makes it awkward shaped. I'm not really tall, but I'm a inch or two above average. But I've grown used to it. I open my bureau on one side, the side facing the black sky tonight, and change into whatever I wear to bed. Then I shuffle across the rug I've had all these years to my bed on the other side agaisn the wall so I don't have to duck down or wake up trying to miss the slanted walls.

It creaks when I lie down in it, but I pull the blankets over me. I'm exhausted whe I lie down. I never am when I'm awake or standing. I look across my room through my window. I see the dark blue sky. There are no stars tonight. And the only light I have on is the light from the moon coming in behind me from the window abouve my bed.

For as long as I stay away I get a breath this way. I stop my life and just look at the sky. Across from me. The darkness isn't much to watch, but when I see stars it's an amzing feeling. It's like I get my own piece of the sky to watch change and move for me. I can see whatever the world throws at me right through my window. It's like a movie playing right before my eyes. But before I know it I wake up and look at thered digital clock beside me.

I never dream, so when I sleep nothing happens. I just close my eyes and open them seeing the morning in my piece of the world across from my bed. I get up, and walk sleepishly don the stairs. Peaking into Matt's room. He's asleep, his glasses crooked on his face. And his book pressed agaisnt his cheek. He's passed out. "Matt," I say. "Matt?"

He doesn't answer. Sometimes it's like he's dead. I walk over to him and hsake his shoulder. "Matt, get up, school." I say. And he opens his eyes blinking. He groans and stretches as I walk away. I look into m dad's room and see he's already up and getting ready. I sigh exhaling hrough my nose as I walk downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat.

* * *

**A/N: Predictions for Friday night? Any predictions at all? **

**Thoughts about Will?  
****Opinions on his personality and reationships?**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I pulled up to the school behind the last bus. Matt jumped out. "Bye," He said quickly. Getting his bag quickly Iwatching through my rearview mirror.

"I'll pick you up after school, okay?" I said quickly. "Hurry up, you odn't want ot be late." He nodded and jumped out running up behnd th fifth graders to get into school. I watching him for a few seconds waiting for the buses to drive away. I was already going to be late. They pulled away. The same buses I used to ride to school in. I started driving. Keeping my head foreward and not looking at the clock.

I when I walked into homeroom I went up to the teacher giving him my pass. He nodded at me lookng at me. I have the body of a twelve-year-old girl to be hoest, so all of my teachers that are guys treat me like I'm girly. I'm not muscular or anything. I'm just a wiry skinny kid who used ot run track. But I just walk over and sit next to Josh. He looks at me.

"Hey, man." He says. "Why are you late?"

"Matt was late," I said. My friend generally understand when I say this. But Charlotte chewed her bubble gum leaning forward. Looking at me with her big fake eyelashes.

"Who's Matt?" She asked.

I looked at her. "He's my little brother." I said. I'm not sure if people know about everything that went on when my mum died. They know she died, they just never said anything. I always wondered if people know I quiet track to pick up extra hours. Do they know my lif revolves around Matt's? Or do they just assume this is how it's supposed to be. I've made up my mind that, yes: my life would be so different had my motherlived through her cancer.

But would I have m life any other way? No, there's no other life I'd rather live.

I leaned back and looked at Josh. "Hey are you and the guys doing anything Friday?" I asked. They usually asked anyways, but I was late so I figured I could ask on my own.

He nodded. "You should come," He said. "Quit motherhood for a little while and come out with us. We're just going to this huge party. It's going to be pretty cool."

"Yeah," I said. "Where is it?"

I can make plans. I stillknow how to. I'm not a complete alien, and at least sometimes it can seem like I'm pretending to be 16. He gave me the address and Charlotte went on and on about how awesome the parties are at whoever's house this was. I didn't know them, but I figured that was okay. Nobody knew anyone whose parties they went to in this town. They just showed up. So I felt sort of normal.

* * *

I sat down at lunch. I didn't have a lunch as usual. Josh in Charlotte were in their own little world again. He would squeeze her knee under the table and thin nobody noticed. Of course I knew becuase she would scream and giggle telling him to stop touching her there she's ticklish. I jsut hope it's her knee because I'm sitting across from them, and I don't want to think it's anything else. I'm jsut trying to focus on whatever Adam is talking about.

"Ashley!" We all look at Charlotte. The thing is we're all annoyed with her. She's annoying and sh flips her hair too much and is just an air-head. "Ashley, over here! Sit with us!" She's standing up waving. Josh smiled and tugs her arm so she's sitting tight against him. And she smiles flipping her hair laughing. She kisses him on the cheeck. I just roll my eyes.

She's getting to be too much for even me.

But Ashley Hansen walks over akardy sitting silently beside Charlotte. Charlotte whispers something to her and she just smiles. I turn back ot listening to Adam talking.

"Guess whose quitting his nanny-job to come out with us for once?" Josh asks.

Zack leans forward looking at me. "You're coming to the party with us Friday?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. I opened my mouth to say something else. But Charlotte jumped the gun and starting before me. "What do you spend a lot of time with your brother?" She asks.

I look at her. "Yes," I said.

"How old is he?" She asked leaning in looking at me.

"Nine," I said. "He's in fourth grade." It seems like Matt's much older than he is sometimes. Like the six years in between us aren't that big of a barrier. Like there's no real distance at all. But at times it's like I'm another parent of his.

She smiled. "That's so cute!" She said smiling like she's watchin a video of puppies just sitting there looking adrable for her.

My friends jump in making fun of me. Throwing nanny and mother jokes at me, But I just laugh it off. I never really got mad at them for making fun of me. It started the end of last year, when they knew it was okay. Charlotte giggles along and I notice Ashley just sitting there listening. There are times when I feel older, but moments when I realize I'm a little immature. Like when I'm sitting and I can't talk to someone or look at them too long because I called her my girlfriend for a few months and never said anything to her.

Walking away Zack comes up to me after lunch. "Dude, coach told me to tell you you can always rejoin the team whenever you want." He said. "I think you should just come next practice. It'll be fun."

I ran a hand through my hair. "I can't." I say.

He sighs. "One practice dude." He says. "It's not giving up your whole life."

I paused. I missed running. "I'll think about it." I say. I know I won't. My answer will still be no, but I know it'll make Zack happy. I only say yes to things I know are easy. So I don't have to give up the life I have, well not give up, more like screw up. I love Matt. With my dad working, Matt needs me. My dad needs me too in a small way. A Friday night I can surrender. Making Matt ride the bus and get hurt I can't. Or really anything like that. I've seen Matt get hurt so much, it hurts too much to see that happen so often.

"OK," Zack says. "Make sure you do."

I feel bad not being able to keep promises to my friends. But what I think makes up for that is when I can keep promises with at least a few people. I never broke a promise I made to Matt. I keep to my word always for him. And I kept the biggest promise I ever could. My mom asked me one thing when she was going. To take care of Matt.

I am. I'll never stop.

* * *

**A/N: Should have made this and last chapter on chapter. Sorry :\ Another filler. Friday Night next. Sorry if this is wicked generic.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I ate my cereal, Matt was sitting at the counter eating the grilled cheese I made him. "Are you on the next Harry Potter book yet?" I asked looking at him. He nods, covering his moth as he chews his new bite of grilled cheese. I'm alright at cooking. I can make chicken. I can fry steak to mak sandwiches if the sales are good at work. And I can make instant rice and canned vegetables. So at least I know we're all not eating complete crap.

"Yeah," He says. "I want to finish it this weekend. I'm going to stay up and read."

I raise my eyebrows. "How many times have read all the books after this?" I asked dipping my spoon back into my bowl of cereal. I always have to finish off the last of the cereal. It's stale, but when it gets soggy it takes half normal. I fill my mouth with a spoonful of soggy cereal. Whenever I go out I can tell. I can feel it. I think about it a lot too.

"Thirteen," He said.

I smile a little. "You need to find new books man." I said. "I'll take you to the library and we'll look for some for you."

He chews his grilled cheese and I finsh off of my cereal dumping the milk into the sink. "Are you excited going out tonight?" Matt asks looking at me. I get my toothbrush an start brushing my teeth. Yes, I do brush my teeth in the kitchen sink. It's a sink and it's right there.

When I finish I wipe my mouth again. "I guess," I said. "Not really." I never really get excited going out. I just anticipate it. I never really hold expectations for night's like this. Matt doesn't ask wh he just fiishes half of his sandwich. My dads asleep in the living room on the couch watching baseball. Or he _was_ watching it.

I look at the clock on the stove. "I'm going to get going," I said. "Make sure you don't stay up all night reading." I mess up his hair.

He smiles and turns watching me walk out. I stick my head into the living room. If my dad's awake I would tell him I'm going, but he's snoring and exhausted. I figure he'll know. I go out the front, walking down to the driveway. My car is parked next to my dad's. Across the street Mrs. Peters is watering her flowers.

I lift my hand in a wave as I get in the car she waves back smiling. When we first moved her, my mum said she came over and gave her the first fower she planted in front of our house. Apparently it had been a nasty old house. Dead bushes and all. But my mother brought life to it. She brought color back ot the faded paint that just lay there on the siding and outside of it. I pulled out. It's sunset and it feels like summer. A new year's begun and I'm still stuck in the last it seems. Or the whole world is. The seasons and the weather. We still want to be in summer. Change is too scary. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to deal with change, but I figure it's inevitable.

But if I could find a way to avoid it I would. Because so far, change hasn't brought much good into my life.

It just made it harder.

I take a left going down this street and that. When everyone's inside their houses together an happy. It's like Kerrington it a movie. A perfect world just set up like the set of a castless movie set. Waiting for all of these different characters to spill out of these houses with the curtains drawn or the images of families eating and being happy. It makes you feel small. It makes you wish you were in there with their failies mixed up in it and a part of it all. But we're not. That's their life and mine is just driving by. On my way back to being sixteen.

The house is deep in the woods at this house. I drove into the driveway and parked behind a white car that glows in the setting darkness. I walked down. It's like a street in the middle of the woods. I shove my hands into my sweatshirt. I walk, hearing my footsteps. I listened to my footsteps and the woods and the sunset. Seeing the house in the foreground coming closer and closer. Behold my Friday night. A house that probably has a keg or two that's filling slowly with kids all having another Friday night where I'm having my one.

I go in behind a boy and a girl. High school couples- even couples like Josh and Charlotte- always seem so happy. I don't believe it really. The whole thing seems sort of fake. Nobody can really be that happy in high school knowing it's going to end in a flash. But I figure that's one of the things that makes me different from everyone else. The fact hat I come up with things like that.

"Bill! Dude, over here!" I turn and see Josh. Charlotte hanging off at his hip. His arm tight around her waist he waves me over. I was hoping to see Zack or Adam around, but I guess not. I'd he to sit there and talk to Josh and Charlotte.

"Hey Will!" Charlotte called waving and smiling as she flipped her hair. I smiled a little. Lifting a hand as awave as I walked over to them.

"What's up?" Josh asked. I hadn't seen her before but Ashley Hansen was standing there with a beer in her hand watching me. She looked away when I looked at her. She scanned the room as if looking for someon.

I shrugged. "Nothing," I said. Someone bumped into me from behind. I turned and it was a girl with this multi-colored hair. She said she was sorry and went on. I looked back to Josh. Charlotte let out a loud bust of noise- she was smiling and giggling. She was acting runk, but she wasn't, which was how she always acted.

Tonight was going to be a long one.

I went to get a beer. I'm not that big into drinking. I'll have one drink and I've never been drunk. Which makes me feel sort of weird looking around and seeinghalf the room already a drink away from getting drunk. The kid at the keg looked at me like I was a twelve-year-old girl. I took the beer he handed me and walked away. Even thoguh I've never had the taste for beer, tonight I hoped it make everything go by faster.

When I got back to Josh, he was kissing her, which made things Zack was there talking to some other kid a fw steps away form Charlotte and Josh. I went up to them. "Hey," Zack said looking at me.

"Hey," I said. The kid he was talking ot was big and muscular looking. He was broa and sort of scary. He had to be some jock kid. He looked the part too. Football jersey and backwards hat and the entire intimidating look down pat. "I'm Will."

He nodded. I expected him to grunt, too, but he didn't. "Gavin," He said in a low voice.

Him andZackstarted tlaking about track. Then I knew Gavin. He had a good javelin throw. He could run a little. He wasn't anything special, I rememebered beating him freshman year all the time. They kept talking and I jsut stood there. Zack broguht me into the conversation as expected. "I'm trying to get this guy to come back and join the team." Zack said looking at me.

Gavin looked at me. "You're that kid Bill that used to win a lot?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "I think I remember you from practices and stuff."

"No offense," He said looking at me. "But after a few months you lose a lot of your speed. If you haven't ben running for a while, dude you're fucked. You probably suck right now at running."

I jsut sort of looked at him. I really had no idea what to say to him. I didn't know what I'd even say if one of my friends said this to me. Zack seemed sort of thrown off too by this. "Oh," I said. And I sipped my beer. Tongiht was going to suck. I could tell.

Zack picked he conversation up, but I broke off. I walked around a little. I saw a girl one sip awy from being drunk, her eyes glowing and on fire. I saw people getting together. I sawa coupel break up. It all happened at a party someone probably wouldn't even remeber in the morning. After a little while I had accidentally poured some of my beer on a girl's converses. I had been shoved and mocked by three drunk girls. My night wasn't picking up. Expecially when I heard my nam being basically sung over the crowd. "Will! I have someone who wants to meet you!"

It was Charlotte. I figred I could pretend I didn't hear her but she hunted me down and dragged me to where her and Josh had beeen standing with this girl. She was blonde. She had this strawberry blonde hair that was straight and perfect. She was tan and nice looking. She had these cool grey eyes andshe smiled at me sweetly. "Hi," She said.

"Will," Charlotte planted her hand on my shoulder. "This is Natalie."

I looked at Charlotte she was actually drunk and I only knew that because she was a little red in the face and slurring. Josh was getting drunk too. I looked at Natalie. "Hi," I said.

"Natalie got dumped a month ago." Charlotte said to me. And obviously I needed to know that. No, I mean, Natalie was nice looking and she blushed when Charlotte said so, but I'm not into dating. I've said that before. But Charlotte woudn't have known.

"Thanks Char," Natalie said smiling embarrassed by this.

"You're welcome!" Charlotte said happily smiling. Did I ever mention she was an airhead? But I tried to ignore that and I looked down. She walked away leaving me and Natalie.

I smiled at Natalie I felt sort of bad. I could talk to her, go along with it, but it's not like if I go along with this it's forever. I'm not made for relationships. Especially now. "Sorry," She says. "I told her to leave me alone, but it's how she is sometimes."

I nodded. "I figured," I said. I ran a hand though my hair.

She nodded and we were awkwardly quiet. I'm not horrile with girls. I don't freeze up around them or anything, it's just half the time they expect you to pull everything along. I don't like having to carry out conversations. So I just started by asking her a question. "Which school do you go to? I haven't seen you around before."

Personally this town is built for questions liek that. There are two high schools in Kerrington. Coolen is the south High School. And Kerrignton is the north high school. It's how you define people and how you know people. You know their names and then which high school they go to. "I go to Coolen." She said nodding. "Kerrington right?" She pointed at me.

"Yeah," I said. then suddenly the music got really loud. She said something and I didn't hear it. "What?" I said loudly.

She leaned in and spoke louder. Which makes conversations less smooth. The song changed again and we jsut started talking. Useless mindless information was swapped. Going back and forth. Question. Answer. Comment. Comment. Question. Answer. Comment. Nothing exciting or worth noting. Natalie was nice. She was pretty and she was sweet. But she was more friendly then whatever Charlotte had been hoping. Then again, Charlotte was probably hoping to stick her friend with me so she and Josh could go upstairs.

I just talked to Natalie. But we broke off finally and I started wlaking aorund again.

At parties you knwo you're havign a bad time when you end up walking around in circles. Nothing was happening. I went out. This was good enough, so I figured I could leave. Get out and drive around a little maybe or just go home and watch TV. So I went out the back. The house was too crowded to go out the front, so I went out the back porch.

There was a girl there. Leaning over the side of it with a beer in one hand. Her back to me. She had on a flowing skirt with flowers on it and she had on a tank top. It was cold for night, so I think she was shiverign a little. Her flip-flops were beside her feet and she was just standing there looking down at the ground. The only reason I knew who it was was because Ashley Hansen is the only girl who has dark curly hair like that.

I opened the screen door and slipped out. She turned and saw it was me. Her eyes were wide and she had jumped a litte. "Sorry," I said.

She paused wiping under her eyes quickly. "It's okay." She said softly.

I could keep walking. Ashley Hansen and I weren't even acquaintences. All we had in between us was a small useless history. I just looked at her and saw suddenly she had been crying. Her eyes were still a little red and she had make-up under her eyes slightly. I could just have kept walking. But of all things something stopped me. I looked at her. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded. Wiping under her eyes again, gettign rid of the washed out make-up under her eyes. "Yeah," She said. We were quiet. I wasn't going. I turned ot face her. My body was fully turned towards her. And she crossed her arms. "Me and my boyfriend had a fight, that's all. Just a bad night."

I paused. Looking at her. I felt bad. I didn't knwo this girl. I didn't know anything now. Nothing at all. She was Ashley Hansen. That's it. But still she was human. And I thought about Matt. When he had bad days. So I figured at least right now, I could try and help someone. I could try and mae someone's day better. Because this was no different from Matt walking into my car after a bad day and me making him forget about it. So I shoved my hands into my pockets. "Me too," I said. I paused suddenly heaing what I jsut said. "Well minus the fight with my boyfriend part."

That got her to smile. She looked down tucking hair behind her ear. Not saying anything. It felt weird, I felt like I shouldn't be there. Talking to Ashley Hansen. But I felt bad. We had one thing in common: a bad night. And sometimes that' all you might need to reach out and help someone. "I'm just going to drive around and stuff," I pointed behind me. "I mean, if you want to get away or something. If you need a ride somewhere."

She paused. Looking at me up and down. Waiting for me to burst out and say 'just kidding!' Because after a bad night all you want to do is get away. She thought about it. I was still me. We haven't talked in years. We don't knowanythign about each other. "OK," She said. "Do you mind?"

I shook my head. "No," I said.

And she turned slipping into her shoes. I went down the back stairs and she followed. Walking behind me as I went around the house. When we reached the front we started walking beside one another. I remembered the one time I ever held her hand. The one time we ever came really in contact. It was the last time we went out. We were ice skating like everyone did every Friday night and I held her hand. And I remembered that. It was a weird feeling having that same girl walking beside me from back then, but I figured this was fine.

She wasn't crazy or going ot kill me. Or at least I hope not, becuase if she is I'm really not prepared. The only thing I have to defnd myself in my car is a wiffle ball bat from this summer when I took Matt to th park once trying to teach him how to hit a baseball. Ashley Hansen seemed harmless. She was small. She was smaller than me. Now at least, I was taller than her. Unlike in the 8th grade when it was the other way around.

But I figured this was OK. This was something I felt the need to do. I just needed to help her, because we both had bad nights at least we could get away from them.

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**A/N: Predictions? Ideas? Whose yor favorite character so far? Anything you want to know? **

**Review.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chocolate milkshakes can solve anything.

I strictly believe that. I've learned that over the past few years. They fix any problem or issue. So when I drove by a McDonalds I said this adn asked her if she wated one, because I wanted one. I knew I had money for gas I could use. "I love milkshakes," She said. And she got some money out of the pocket of a sweatshirt. It was a little awkward while I stood there watching her break into her friend's car to get her sweatshirt.

I went in through the drive-thru. Normally, no questions asked you automatically order chocolate milkshakes, but I felt weird taking the inictiative so I looked at her. "What flavor?" I asked.

She looked at me. "Chocolate," She said. So I turned back to the speaker and ordered two chocolate milkshakes. The kid told me to drive up. "The vanilla's always gross." She added.

"I know," I said. "Chocolate's the only way to go." There were two things Ashely Hansen and I had in common. A bad night and chocolate milkshakes, which was enough to pull into a parking space and start our milkshakes. The first sip is always the hardest. The shakes here are always so thick. But the extra seconds are worth it. McDonalds milkshakes are the best.

"So," She said. "I guess we're co-workers now."

I looked at her. "You got the job?" I asked.

She smiled. "Register girl." She pointed to herself. She took a sip licking her lips afterwards. "How long have you worked there?" She looked at me.

"A year," I said. "But it feels like a lot longer." I took another sip. Trying to ignore how unbelievably weird this was. Ashely Hansen was in my car having a chocolate milkshake with me. The last time I spoke to her I was probably 13. And the last time I had a chocolate milkshake I was probably with my mother.

She paused. "Do you work a lot?" She asked suddenly. I looked at her shortly. "I mean," She started. "Sorry if that was too nosy, but whenever I went there over the summer I saw you."

I looked at my milkshake. I tugged the straw out a little and stuck it back in. I shrugged. "I worked full time over the summer." I said. I sipped my milkshake. I missed milkshakes. My mum used to make them for me and Matt all the time when we were little.

She nodded, sipping hers too. "My mother made me get this job," She said looking down. "I didn't think I needed one, but she pushed one on me. I was scared I wasn't going to get hired."

I shook my head. "They hire everyone." I said. I paused. There was Dunkin. He had a tattoo on his neck and Don hates kids with tattoos. "Well, not everyone, but they hire people nine out of ten times."

"So I didn't need to make a good impression?" She asked. "I freaked about my interview for hours." Her eyes widened, they were alreayd big and blue. They were a nice blue.

I shook my head smiling a little. "You'll probably have this job until you quit." I said. "You won't believe the amount of freaks that are drawn into working ar grocery stores."

She laughed. She had a nice laugh. It was hard to believe she had been crying at all today. I remember her eyes ad how worn they had looked. Not they were bouncing and happy. She didn't seem like the person who could ever be unhappy. That was something different. She just made me feel happy. "That's good," She said. Her voice hiding a soft laugh that continued into it. "I'm glad. I don't want to work at the mall."

We sipped out milkshakes. And we tlaked about work and jobs and classes and people. We had a lot in common. We had the same teachers just different class periods. We didn't like the same people and we liked the same classes. It was so easy to get along with her. It wasn't so awkward once it was settling that we were there together just talking and eating milkshakes.

When they were gone we kept talking. Sitting there and talking. It didn't really matter where the time went it was just that there wasn't enough of it. "Sorry," She said. "My curfew's in a few minutes, do you mind taking me home?"

I looked at the clock. It was almost midnight." Oh, yeah," I said. I put the car in drive and I pulled out. "Which way?" I asked.

"Go towards Kerrington," She said. I took a left and started driving. We were quiet suddenly.

"Do you mind?" She asked, her finger on the knob of my radio.

"No," I said.

She turnd it up. The sound at frist static. She flpped through some channels and then suddenly she smiled. "I love this song," She said. She nudged the volume up.

I paused listening to it. I liked it. It was nice. "What is this?" I asked looking at her.

"Take this right," She said when I hit a stoplight. "'I Want To Hold Your Hand' by The Beatles." She smield when she said it. "I love the Beatles, my dad is a Beatles fanatic, has every vinyl, CD, tape- _everything_ you can get for them. Except for anything by Ringo, he always said Ringo was the one that lacked musical talent."

I smiled a little. "I never really heard anything besides 'Yellow Submarine' by them." I said. "I'm not up to par I guess."

She smiled. "Take this right and then go straight until Stone Street." She said. "I'm not really, I just grew up with it. It's basically like Sesame Street for me. I've known it longer than I've know how to walk. I just don't know why they didn't name me Lucy. But my middle name is Eleanor, and that's probably all my mother let my dad do when it came to names."

"Ashley Eleanor Hansen," I said. "That sounds better than Lucy Eleanor Hansen."

"I always thought so." She said smiling. She directed me and switched radio stations stopping on Led Zeppelin and then Radiohead. That was when we hit the higher class side. She got more careful with directions. Putting on Nirvana and Stone Temple Pilots. Then she told me to stop. We came to a house that was big and white. "Thank you," She said. "For everything."

I smiled. "You're welcome." I said. I felt like this was less of a jump of pity and more like friends. We were awkward, but at least now work wouldn't be an awkward jumble of sideway glances. We'd know at least we were human not just an ex-first boyfriend or girlfriend. She got out and walked. She was a silhouette movng up ot the huge glass front door of the house.

Ashley Eleanor Hansen. Her name was really pretty I thought. She turned and waved smiling as I pulled away. Tonight was good. I felt strangly young. I felt like I was breatihng new air. But I remembered Matt. I pulled into my driveway as quietly as possibly. Shutting my door the same and walked into my house. The floor creaked, but I knew it was too late to wake Matt up. He was already dead out probably.

But still, as fast as I had become normal somehow I was still the same person. I still had Matt above everything else and always would.

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**A/N: I'm thinking about some future guest appearances. Any requests?**

**Sorry for the lack of updates I've been busy :( which is no excuse, but I hope you like it.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I was carrying a box of oranges over to produce. There was a sale so I had to restoke every three hours or so. But Don came over. He put his hands on his back like pregnant women do to support their backs. He was big. his glases were on and he scanned he staff for someone. He always wears polos. By the end of the day they always ave sweat stains. And he wears the same loafers and khaki pants everyday too. But he tightens his belt just so that it's really tight but fat pops out waiting for the day it can just snap the belt in half.

But I try not to look down there because I always picture the day the belt just snaps. And he is my boss, and I can't get fired no matter what. "Hey!" He snaps at me. He has ape arms too- did I forget ot mention that. "We have a new one. She should have been to her register five minutes ago. Go check it out."

"Yes, sir." I said. I walk over to my cart in produce putting the heavy box of perfect ripe oranges that give me headaches with their smell, and head out back. The doors swing open and instantly I see Ashley by the card machine trying ot figure it out. I wipe my hands on my apron becuase I assume they smell like oranges.

"Hey," I say. She turns ready to see a mean co-worker or someone but she's relieved when she sees me.

"I don't know what I did," She starts pointing at the machine. "I just put my car in and it doesn't work all of a sudden, I can't believe this..." She turns to the machine desperatly in hopes it carded her in. Nope.

I smile a little. "It's okay," I said. "This machines screwed up. It broke a few weeks after I started." I walked over taking the yellow card from her hand and sticking it in the same slot she had it in. "See," I ease the lever back a little. "You have to push this back as far as it can go," Then I pulled down. "And then it works." Surely there was the click and she started her job.

She sighed. "Thank you," She said. She took her card from me. Her figners brushing mine as she did. she looked at it. "I'm so glad I came early. My mom made me, but I..." She just shook her head. "Thanks."

I laugehd a little. "You're welcome." I said. "Don was supposed to repalce this but he doesn't really show any interest in it. We'll stay old fashioned for now."

She looked at the machine. "How did you figure that out?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I just guessed a little." I said. "But you better get out there, Don has no patience whatsoever."

She put her card in the wrack. "Thanks again," She said. And we both walked out of the swinging doors. She started down Isle Twelve. "Hey Ashley," She stoppd turning.

"Good luck," I said.

And she smiled. "Thank you," She said. I always wished someone wished me good luck on my first day of work. And we went off. Her to her register and I unpacked oranges. Going off to the pasta isles and rearraging it so there were any indents of where bxes of pasta should be. Don likes a good set-up. "Get to the twelve items or less!" Don snapped at me when I walked by him.

"Yes, sir." I said. I let Don snap at me, because there are going to be people like him all my life so why hate them. So I jsut went to Twelve Items or Less and scanned people's eleven items. A woman had thirteen and rather than tell her to go to the normal registers like she expected me to I just rang it up normally not making a big deal about it.

"Thank you," She would say smiling at me. It's not a big deal, but if you can I think you should. If you can make somone's life a little easier go for it. So I did. And smiled with a "You're welcome. Have a good day."

There is no register one. So register two is right across from me. I guess i'm register one but Ashley was busy ringing up oranges and other things. I usually just rang up tabloids, a Snickers bar, and a loaf of bread. I ring up the most impulse items because people have like a ten or a twenty. And a tabloid is like: two dollars. And then theres that caramel stick of chocolate0goodness screaming for them to give in too to temptation so they just grab the celbrity gossip and the candy that is stocked perfectly to draw people in right around me especially.

Then was my lunch break but I stayed to help this old woman. She was really nice and old. She was short and wrinkled and tiny. It was like everything shrunk except fro her skin and it just wrinkld to try and fit her skeleton. She smiled though and talked to me about her son. How he was a nice young man like me. She said most twenty-five year olds liek myself don't have half the drive as me. I smiled and said "I'm actually only 16."

Her eyes bugged out. Nice and big and shocked head to toe. "I coulda sworn you were a quarter decade." She had an accent. A southern one. "My goodness, you don't look 16."

I smiled. "I get that a lot." I smiled. "But have a nice day," I handed her her receipt. "It was really nice meeting you and talking to you."

She smiled. "Sweet boys like you ae hard to come by." She said. "I mighta come by here more often. I jsut came here for this sale on oranges. My husband at home eats a wholecrate a'day, it's mighty hard keepin' up with a'man his ap-e-tight."

"My brother's the same. When we get in cheap peaches he'll go through a whole crate a week too." I said. "But that's only one month in the year when it's peach season and the prices go way down."

She smiled. "Have a good day, son." And she hobbled to her groceries. It was my lunch break but I looked at the bag of groceries she started to pick up. "Let me get those for you..."

* * *

The 'employee' louge is a crappy little room with a fold-out table and some chairs and a couch that you can literally see holes through the cushions. But I walked in seeing Ashley Hansen sitting drink fruit juice form one of those cartons looking up and smiling at me. "Thank god," She was relieved. "I thought I had lunch alone."

I went over to the coffee maker. "I was jsut helping this woman with her groceries." I said.

"The older one?" She asked.

I turned with my mug of lukewarm coffee. "Yeah," I said.

"You were helping her a while." She said. Her eyebrows furrowed. The other employees don't like me very much. They say I'm a goody-two-shoes and assume I kiss Don's butt. I just do what he says and try not to get in trouble. But people like the old woman- her name is Pearl- they are jsut the added bonus.

The thing about people like Pearl is they see all the time in the world while a woman in a business suit will want to get her Milky Way bar and her cupcakes and go. The odler people have time to talk and be nice. My dad calls me an 'old soul' but I just like seeing someone who isn't rushing to get to the next thing planned in their lives. Someone who cares when I bring up my cat when I was little and will talk about their own. These are usually only people over seventy.

I nodded. "I talked to her a little and helped her with her groceries." I said. I sat down across from Ashley.

She looked down at her peanut-butter and jelly sandwich cut down the middle. "Not to offned you or anything," She said. "But why are you so nice to everyone who comes by? Like that biker guy? He looked so scary."

I shrugged. "I like giving people the benefit of the doubt." I said. "Besides everyone's rushing now. It's hard gettign two words in with these people." She was quiet nodding. She looked over at me.

"You don't have a lunch?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Nah," I said. "I forgot mine."

She passed me half of hers. "Are you allergic to peanuts?" She asked.

"No." I said. "But I couldn't." I put my hand up.

"No, I'm not even that hungry." She said. "Here, take it." So I looked at it and all at once my stomach prepared to growl so loudly it would cause a mini earthquake. So I took it. "I hope you don't mind chunky peanut butter."

I smiled. "It's my favorite." I said. "Creamy is so overrated."

She smiled. "Nobody ever agrees with me." She said smiling. She picked up her half and took a bite. I took one of mine savoring it. It was the best sandwich I've had in a while. Simplicity is perfect sometimes. "So do you have any other tricks for me?" She asked.

I swallowed. "Never eat the donuts." I said. "You know that shelving unit where they sell stale baked goods?"

Her eyes widened. "No."

"Yeah," I said. "Don isn't big on employee appreciation. The donuts are like expired by now. He just tries not to waste money by giving them to us. And also..." So I told her everything. I wanted her to be around. She was someoen to talk to. She was better than the last register girl who used ot hit on me all the time. Ashley was a cool person to look across the conveyer belt and smile at.

She took in everything. As if writing it down in a notebook in her mind. She was busy listening. I told her everything. I had explained Don to te very last hair on his head in five minutes. We had anothe half hour before we had to go back so I filled it with a how-to stay employed guide for her. And she took it all in. And when the next register people came in we got up and walekd out together.

"Thanks," She said. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "You've basically given me the best advice anyone could ever." She laughd a little. I loved her laugh. It wasn't loud or obnoxious. It was a sweet nice one.

"If you ae wondering anythign else just ask me." I said.

"You must be employee of the month every month." She said.

"Nope," I said. "Charlie always gets it. The Butcher. He works full time all the time. Open until close. It's insane. He never gets sick ever." She smiled. I held the door open for her and she walked through smiling at me. She was really pretty. She wasn't the magazine kind of pretty I stared at whenever I woman came through my isle with magazines. She was the nice kind. The rare nice kind of it. And we walked back ot our registers flicking the ligts on for the lines of people already waiting for us to open our registers. Them. And their oranges.

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**A/N: What do you think? Predictions.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I walked into Matt's room. He was still asleep but it was Monday unfortunatly for him. I flickered the lights on and off but he just ignroed it. His eye-lids twitched everytime the lights when on and off but finally I just walking over to him. I was exhausted too. I didn't want to wake up but we had to start waking up earlier because the school called. He's been late too many times this month. They were getting worried.

"Come on," I said rubbing my eye. I felt like my chest was heavy. My dad was already gone and here I was trying to wake Matt up. He moaned and rolled away from me. I reached otu and tugged the blankets off of him. He shriveled up into his bed to stay warm. "If you're late I'm not driving you to school and you'll have to deal with dad later."

He ignored me some more. So I reached out and grabbed him. He wasn't that heavy. I'm not that strong but I could pull him out of bed. While other kids would be spitting in their little brother's cereal I made it for him this morning. He just sat in a daze at the table. "Don't stay up so late," I said lookign at him. I gave him his bowl of cereal. I was skipping breakfast today. I sat down and started drinking my coffee. It was strong- just what needed.

"I just needed to finish a chapter," He said spooning cereal into his mouth. He chewed with his mouth open which we always told him not to but he was literally a zombie right now. I hoped it'd help him fall asleep earlier tonight. I drank more coffee. I can't imagine my day starting without it. "I'm almost done."

I nodded. "I know," I said. "You can read after school. You read too much."

He kept eating his cereal in silence. I sipped my coffee. I had a day off today. I was probably going to take a nap or try and get some of the bills out of the way before my dad had to deal with them. Getting Matt ready for school after breakfast is easy. I jsut let him go up into his room and he's usually ready same time as I am. I got him to school in time- maybe even a little early, but at least we wouldn't get any more calls about him being late. I'd just wake him up earlier.

When I got to school it was just on time. I got out and started up for the school. "Will!" Zack was talking ot that kid Gavin again. This time he didn't acknowledge me he jsut ignored me. "What's up?"

"Hey," I said.

"You just booked it at that party Friday, dude." He said. "What the hell happened? I saw you with a girl, what happened with that?" I moved my hands into my pockets. I shrugged.

"Nothing," I said. "Charlotte stuck me with her. She was nice and everything but I don't know, it was too awkward." Gavin was standing there crossing his arms and just looking over at me. He was the classic example of a jock of some kind. The beefy guys who are so macho and cool. I'm just a little shrimp. I work at the grocery store and Gavin could rip my legs off like I was a spider. I kenw that so I didn't look at him.

"Charlotte's so fucking annoying," Zack said rolling his eyes. "All she does is giggle and float around. She's so stupid too." I oepend my motuh to agree but Gaving grunted a little.

"She's hot," He said shrugging one shoulder.

I didn't really feel like it was my place to say anything after that. I hated Charlotte but I couldn't really do anythin about it. She was a summer fling and here it was almost fall. She wouldn't last a chance. The bell rang so I headed up for the school. Across the hall I saw Ashley, she didn't look so brain-washed and zombie-fied like everyone else. She was walking alone.

"Hey, Ashley," I said. I cut across the halls to her. She smiled. She actually looked really nice today. She just seemed warm of all things. "Hi," She said. She had a nice smile I have to say. I remember in the yearbooks she won the nicest eyes too. That was in eighth grade, right after we broke up with each other but somethign about her was jut nice to me today.

"What's new?" I asked.

She sighed. "I barely made it yesterday," She said. "I wish you were there to help me. The card machine didn't work and I did everything. It took my three tries and it was just awful. And on top of that they didn't even give me a break or tell me I had one. I needed you."

I smiled. "It gets easier," I said. "I saw the schedule and we're workign a lot together this week." I had just in case. Yesterday I had morning and she had afternoon. I liked having her across from me. She was better than Sheryl who was scary and gothic and read Sylvia Plath books day in and day out.

"I'm not going to lie," She said. "I checked out the schedule too to see when we were working together." She looked ahead and tucked her hair behind her ear. Then she looked back at me. "Are you working today?"

"No," I said. "Day off."

"Me too," She said smiling still. Her smile was really nice actually. Then simulatneously we stopped. "I'm this way," she said pointing down the hall to hsitpry wing.

"I'll see you around maybe," I said. "If Josh and Charlotte last until lunch mayeb I'll see you then."

She laughed. She had a nice laugh too. "Yeah, let's hope so." She said. She stopped looking at me a few seconds. "Bye." I started turning. "Thanks for helping me out so much with work." She said shaking her head smiling. "I'm not as slow as I seem."

I shook my head. "Don't worry," I said. "You seem completely up to speed. I remember what it was like when I first started." We both sort of paused again. "Bye," I smiled.

"See you," She said. I wondered how many times we could have said goodbye in the halls. I don't know why we get along so well of all things. But then again all that made this awkward was from eighth grade. It took us this long to move on- which altogether was ridiculous- but it was good to have someone at work to talk to and look forward to lunch breaks with. I loved talking to her too. Everythign seemed less like an uneccessary evil.

* * *

At lunch Charlotte and Ashley came over. Today Charlotte was wearing lipstick- seriously- and she plopped down next to Josh and they started their usual routine. Making it awkward for the rest of us and keeping the giggling and the touching under the tables to a minimum at the same time. But Ashley put her tray across from mine.

It wasn't intentional I told myself. It's next to Charlotte and I was just sitting eating an apple Zack had thrown to me after calling me a "potential anorexic." Adam was the last one this time who squished in next to Zack. I bit into my apple again looking over at Charlotte who agve her usual giggle-screech and looked away catched Ashley's eyes. We exchanged a look.

I didn't understand why Ashley would hang out with such an air-head. Her and Charlotte were opposites. But at least she kenw when she was being obnoxious. I took another bite of my apple as Ashley took out a lunch identical to her work one. She looked at me. "You don't have a lunch again?" She asked.

"He never eats," Zack said nudging me. She opened her sandwich passing half to me. I ignored it at first but she kept holdign it out to me. "No, it's okay," I said.

"Please," She said. I took it, I was starving so I took it from her and ate it. That was the icebreaker. We started tlaking. Zack and Adam joinding in trying to ignore the giggling and the mumbling and the awkwardness with us. But Ashley was cool. She talekd abotu starting up her job at the grocery store and we started talking about the party. She didn't mention the fight with her boyfriend or us leaving the party together. Chocolate milkshakes was a subject that was altogether avoided. But then we just talked abotu whatever and by the end of lunch Charlotte and Josh were making out and we were all getting up and leaving them.

Ashley caught up with me. We started walking together. It was sort of weird because when we got to my study she sat down. I looked at her. "Are you in this?" I asked.

She smiled a little. "Yeah," She said. "I figured you didn't know, you always hit the books pretty hard soon as you get in."

I opened my mouth to say something but Mrs. Jacobs came in. She was old. Pushing 307. But she walked in looking around seeign that everyone was in the room. She drew her words out like it was the opera. But she was so soft. I sat down next to Ashley as Mrs. Jacobs went on and on about how this was a silent study and if any of us "strong young men" want to empty the recycling she'd be happy to let us and reminded us that she was old and not to force her into ealry retirement. She only did studies and nobody took advantage of her. She was old. She couldn't handle a real class. She sat down at her desk and pulled out an extra-large rpint book from whatever library she finds them all at and started reading.

Ashley had taken out a peice of paper and was busy writing so I jumped on my math homework. I never passed notes much. I didn't bother but all of a sudden there was a piece of paper being wedged underneath my arm as it came down to meet the desk. I lifted it and looked at it. It didn't say my name it was just a folded up little note. I opened it and looked at it. "Hi" was all it said. I looked at her and she smiled a little. I answered her.

"Hey"

I never passed notes until Ashley Hansen gave me one. I don't know why we became friends but it was a job at the grocery store and a study we had together that I didn't know about. It was so weird but we became friends all of a sudden. I could thank a lot of things but I especially thank chocolate milk shakes because that's the first thing we had in common.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When I was with Ashley I didn't talk about Matt. I didn't need to it wasn't necessary. I could just talk about me and she just talked about her. Eventually we had inside jokes, most of them were about Charlotte. She told me a lot about Charlotte when it was slow at work and nobody was coming through our lines. So before Don made me re-stoke the pasta isle we got to talking to avoid giving into the temptation of celebrity gossip.

The stories on those magazines are all the same in case you haven't noticed. It's the most recent divorce drama, then the teen heart throb, then some movie star gone wild. I don't want to count how many people buy these magazines. It amazes me sometimes but I just smile and ring it up.

Every lunch I have to listen to Zack telling me to hang out or do track and how the coach always has a spot open for me. But I look forward to talking to Ashley because she doesn't know about things like taking care of little brothers and bills. I told Matt about her once and now he always asks about her. To be honest I can talk about Ashley for hours probably. Telling stories she's told me and stories about the grocery store. I'm just happy Don likes her. She isn't getting fired any time soon.

Everything went the same for a few weeks. My day went wake Matt up. Go to work or school and just wait until I can talk to Ashley. Go pick up Matt from wherever and make dinner. Do homework I didn't do in study due to the steady flow of notes being passed between the desk I always sat in and Ashley's new one. Then sleep before I wake up again. I don't want to get into it because we were just becoming friends then. Talking and everything.

I walked out of the grocery store on a Friday. Matt was home with my dad probably ordering a pizza. "Will, hey wait," Ashley said. She walked quickly through the sliding doors. "What are you doing right now?"

"What?" I asked. "Uh, I was just going to head home."

"You're not going to the big party?" She asked looking at me waiting. Was she asking me to go? I didn't really know.

"No," I said running my hand through my hair. Then again, what if she was? "I don't usually go out on Fridays anyways. I don't know where the party is." I was hammering off excuses. They came up like they always do. Reasons not to go out and reasons that don't involve things like playing a board game with Matt. I promised him I'd teach him how to play chess.

"Oh," She said. "I was wondering if you wanted to stop and get coffee at Carol's downtown and then go to the party as friends, you know. Are you doing anything really else tonight?" I always thought she was so shy, in fact at first she was. But here she was being the opposite. I think it was a thing of being comfortable or not.

"No," I said. I wanted to. I really did. I haven't been to Carol's in forever but then there was the thing about money. I remembered the five I had in my pocket. It would probably just go towards chocolate milkshakes with Matt. But I didn't know if I could just ditch Matt like this. So I lied. It was hard getting it out. "I don't- I don't have any money."

"I still owe you for the milkshake," She said. "From way back when. I could buy you a coffee I think."

I swallowed. This was hard. "No," I said. "You give me half of your lunch everyday I _owe_you by now." I felt like I was getting away now. I felt bad. I liked Ashley. I liked hanging out with her. I loved talking to her, but here is where my two separate worlds couldn't meet. I couldn't let Matt down. I didn't plan ahead for this. He'd probably be hurt by this of all things. And my dad would be happy but what about Matt?

She stepped forward gripping my shoulders and squeezing them. I suddenly forgot everything. I got this funny feeling. "Let me buy you a coffee, Will." She said. "You help me every day, just let me buy you a cup of coffee."

"Okay."

* * *

Carol's is known for two things. The coffee and the jelly donuts. When you talk about Carol's in a simple conversation the first thing you do is say what kind of jelly donuts you usually get. I'm a red jelly man myself, and Ashley agreed. So I pulled up to Carol's a few minutes after she did so I could stop and call my dad and say I was going out with one of my friends.

"Zack?"

"No," I said picking at my steering wheel that was peeling. "You don't know them."

"A date?"

"No," I said quickly. "Well yeah, it's a girl, but she's just a friend. She has a boyfriend."

"Oh, huh," He said. I could hear the shuffle of the kitchen beyond the phone. It was probably Matt walking by or something like that. "Don't be home too late, and if you do come home and find Matt reading make him go to sleep. His teacher said he fell asleep in class today and said he was up reading those Harry Potter books all night."

I walked into the coffeeshop finding her sitting by the window on her cell phone. She was bent over two cups of coffee and a jelly donut I wasn't surprised. I went over and sat down. She didn't look happy. She was annoyed. Her eyes were going out the window and she looked angry. "...yeah, I'm going to talk to you later." She paused. "I told you... I'm not doing anything wrong. Will you shut up? You're like a two-year-old sometimes, you know that? Fine, I'm going, bye." She hung up I looked at her and she put her phone down and pressed her face into her hands.

"Why do relationships have to be so hard?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know." I said. She ran her hands through her hair and looked at me.

"I'm not usually like this," She said. "I usually am more calm, but he's just being so dumb." Half the time I forgot Ashley had a boyfriend. I didn't know his name so I figured he went to Coolen. Judging that he loved football that was probably true. More plausible at least. Plus if I had a girlfriend I'd want her sitting with me at lunch than with some skinny little track kids. She never talked about him or brought him up around me or complained about him.

"It's okay," I said. "I don't know what it's even like with the whole relationship thing."

"What do you mean?" She asked. She poured some sugar into her coffee. I hesitated but reached out and got one sugar putting it in mine then taking some cream.

"I don't date," I said. That was kind of a weird thing to say- me being a teenage guy. Most guys date around or just hook-up with the same girls. It's cool to just hook up with all the Coolen girls but I don't do any of that. I don't do anything. I'm sad to admit but I've never even been kissed. I've never kissed anyone either.

"Ever?" She asked.

"Nope," I said. I didn't look at her. My one and only ex-girlfriend. I felt like a little kid all of a sudden. Sometimes I feel so old but I know I missed out on all these things. I've never been drunk or done drugs- never will either. I've never been to detention. I've never gotten a ticket. I've never been to a concert and I've never had sex. I'm just a devoid little kid sometimes. But I've gotten used to it.

"When did that start?" She asked. She sipped her coffee.

"End of eighth grade," I said. I didn't want to bring it up.

"I'm sorry," She said. "Was I that bad of a girlfriend?" She laughed a little. She meant it lightly. In the back of our heads we were still the two scared little eighth graders that dated and never spoke except for the few short conversations at skating rinks and the one monthly dance our relationship overlapped.

I smiled a little. "No," I said. I never talked about my mother either to Ashley. "My mom got cancer at the end of eighth grade so I had to help out with some stuff and I didn't really see my friends a lot anymore."

She went quiet. "I never got to say this," She said. "But I'm so sorry." That's what I always heard back then. A sorry and an apology and a best wishes. A warm hand saying I'm sorry you are going through that. But I don't know what to say back. Sometimes I think I should just smile and say you're lucky- you don't have to worry about bills or your little brother or getting extra hours to buy your brother that X-Box he's been wanting since he was seven. When they say sorry I let myself have a pity part but it lasts as quick as they can say those two words.

I moved my hands to the side of my coffee. It's warm. Not just lukewarm, like warm and good. I looked down into it seeing a creamy brown reflection of myself. "Im' sorry I didn't talk to you until this year," I said looking up. "I wasn't sure if I could after all that."

"What the dating or..." She said.

"The dating," I said smiling a little less.

She smiled. "I felt the same way." She said. "It always seemed weird. I mean I never really got over it until now because we just never talked again. But I'm happy we talk now." She looked down. "I'm kind of sorry I didn't talk to you sooner."

I shrugged. "We talk now right?" I said.

"Yeah," She said smiling. "I have to admit... you broke my heart when Josh came up and told me we were broken up." We both laughed. Now we could because we both knew we were just stupid kids back then and it didn't really even matter. Eighth grade relationships are meant to break. Awkward times last until high school. That's when everyone grows up a little and grows into who they are.

"I'm sorry I didn't do it myself," I said.

"Why did you?" She asked. She got a knife off from the table and cut the donut in half- perfectly in half I might add. "I always wondered that. Was it my tic-tac obsession? Because if it was I was scared you'd think I had bad breath."

I laughed. "No," I said I looked into my coffee again. I shook my head closing my eyes. "Okay, this is going to sound so stupid, but I broke up with you because you were too tall."

She looked up at me. "Are you kidding me?" She laughed a little.

"No," I said. "You were like half a foot taller than me. All the guys teased me."

She sat back. "That's why?" She asked. "I thought it was something like I was a bitch or annoying or something. I second guessed who I was and it was just the height difference?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "You were a shallow little kid, huh?" She said smiling.

"I know," I laughed. "But at least I'm taller than you now. By at least a foot I think, too." I reached out and picked up my half and she took hers of our donut. Red jelly like we both love. She bit in and it smeared red jelly all over her lips but it didn't matter. We were friends. But I looked at her with her curly hair and her big eyes and the red jelly on her lips. She looked nice. A height difference.

I was stupid shallow kid in the eighth grade.

* * *

The party was pretty big. Not because of the amount of booze but there were emo kids galore. I didn't hate the emo kids in the schools but the only reason why they were here was because the singer of this band from Kerrington was playing downstairs. I heard about him. He used to play parties when I was a sophomore but I never went to them. Parties in Kerrington are supposed to be epic. This one wasn't one of those but you know people would be talking about it. You know it's be mentioned once or twice.

We thought about skipping it but we couldn't. We couldn't sit at Carol's all night and we figured we could leave if it was bad. And Ashley said she was going to some people so she just needed to show up. So we walked in together. Not together-together but we went in and everyone was standing around and talking. The music was loud and some punk band was blaring through the speakers.

We went downstairs first because Ashley got a text from someone saying to come down first. We went down the stairs I dodged a drunk kid who stopped before he knocked me over. "Oh sorry dude," He said really fast. He walked on by. I looked back down at Ashley who had stopped a few steps in front of me and waited fro me to keep up. This wasn't a loud party. It wasn't going to get stopped by the cops. I just walked down catching up with her.

She looked around for someone. We moved away from the stairs. I saw a tall skinny emo-type kid with a guitar- the guy from the band. But at the same time my attention was napped away by a loud voice.

"Ashley! What the fuck?"

I looked over. When I pictured Ashley's boyfriend I knew he would be either good or bad. He could be a nice little football player or a big one. It was one of them. And on top of that it was Gavin. He went up to her and suddenly it was my cue to go. She looked at me exchanging a look. That's when Gavin looked at me. I walked away leaving Ashley alone with Gavin.

I watched them fighting a little until finally she pointed upstairs and they went. Still fighting and mad. I would hate it if they were hooking up or something like that. I don't know why it bothered me but it would be gross if she meant upstairs-upstairs. But eventually he came down pissed off looking he walked by me. "What are you looking at prick?" He demanded of me. He was drunk. The sour breath reached me from five feet away.

Ashley was dating him. Ashely had to be one of the nicest people I knew. She was dating Gavin? I looked away up towards the stairs. They probably fought outside. Or I could check the porch if there was one out back. I had to find her. See if she was okay.

There wasnt' a porch this time. There was a patio and beside the girl there she was, sitting against the house in the dark. "Hi," I said softly. She looked at me. She was obviously crying- less than she had been a little while ago, but crying nonetheless.

"Hi," She sniffed. I sat down next to her and just sat there. I looked at her and finally she leaned against my shoulder. Her head leaned into mine. "I wish I was smart like you. I hate relationships." She sniffed again wiping under her nose. I wish I had a tissue but I didn't. I used to have one in my wallet but Matt has seasonal allergies so he used it this summer when his allergies flared up a little.

I was quiet. "You okay?" I really didn't know what to say. I knew her sort of, but I didn't know what to do when she was crying. Then again I did too. That first night I knew chocolate milkshakes made her happier without knowing anything about her. I'm sure now I could improvise.

"Yeah," She said. "Well, no. I think I'm sick in the head." She breathed a little. "I still love him."

Crushed? No I wasn't. I was a little thrown off. If you love someone usually you talk about them a lot. I knew this kid freshman year and he loved himself so all I heard was "I did this and I did that and I'm blah blah blah and I blah-bleh blah." When a couple is in love their inseparable. They live off of each other. Ashley loved Gavin. Scary mean Gavin who was like the Frankenstein of everyone I knew. He was so broad if he grew a beard he could pretend to be a gorilla and nobody'd know the difference.

I was quiet. "Do you want to drive somewhere?" I asked.

She moved away looking at me. "You always know what to do." She whispered.

Have you ever wanted to kiss someone? Like you have the right person and the right moment and the right feelings. I don't know why I'd want to kiss _Ashley_. We were just friends. But I think it was just the night playing games with me. Because that line was like from a movie and here I was sitting on a back porch with a pretty girl- one of my best friends- and it was night and I could see her face and the shapes on it in the glow of the party on the inside. We heard from downstairs a song come up too. It was about a girl. And it was a love song.

That moment was perfect. And the next thing I knew I stopped myself and got up and helped her up. Her hand in mine I pulled her to her feet.

* * *

**A/N: The first of a few guest appearances: it was implied but a certain someone specifically was implied to be in the basement singing a certain song. And before a certain someone else was brought up too. I hope you like these guest appearances and this story. My spelling had been critiqued so I'm going to try out the spell check on the old Fan-fiction and see how it goes.**

**Favorite character changed?**

**Favorite scene so far?**

**Predictions?**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I really didn't know where to take her. I didn't have money to buy milkshakes and so I parked in this parking lot outside of the park. We jsut sat there and talked. She was fine. She didn't get into the fight with Gavin, but suddenly I hated him. What could she have done that was so bad that would make her cry again? I don't know what they have to fight about. And why would she love someone like him? She said it herself. She loved him. That's what annoyed me.

I didn't meant to hate Gavin all of a sudden. He seemed like a good guy- don't get me wrong, it's just he seems so immature. How could yo be mad enough to make someone like Ashley cry? I would never. That would take too much and I don't see how anyone could possibly be mean to her. She was one of the nicest people I knew. Everyone in the halls said "Hi" to her and when she smiled you smiled with her. I didn't think someone could be like that to her. But I didn't know if I could say that. There was something stopping me when I almost did. We were friends. We worked together and talked a lot. I felt out of place getting all heated up about how much of an idiot her boyfriend was. Her boyfriend- that phrase bugged me all of a sudden. I hated him. I honestly did.

"You're always saving me," She said looking at me. We came to one of those rare pauses we always do. "I mean, not always but the first Friday and now? You are like a super hero of some kind." She smiled. I smiled back but shook my head.

"I'm not a super hero." I said.

She looked back at the door and locked it and turned looking at me. She sat cross legged on the seats. "You're the nicest person I've ever met." She said. "Everyone just says _good_things about you. I didn't know people like you existed. You always seem to know what to do for someone." Her eyes were so big and pretty now all of a sudden. we were sitting under a light with my car off so I could see her. I tried shaking those thoughts from my head.

I shrugged. "I just do what I'm supposed to." I said. "Anyone would have helped you that night."

She shook her head. "At least three people just walked by." She said. I shook my head in disbelief. "I'm serious, but thanks again." I looked forward and she kept looking at me. It was quiet. "It's weird, but I think you're one of my best friends. I mean I doubt Charlotte knows half of the things I've told you."

I shrugged. "I really like talking to you," I said. "I feel the same way." Except I couldn't say she knew more about me than my best friends. She didn't know about Matt and my dad and my life. She just knew about me. I almost felt sick. She was giving so much and all I was offering was little bits and pieces of me. Not my life. Just me.

We kept talking. I just kept noticing all of these things about her. When she laughs at lunch she has this quiet nice laugh. Here- with me- it's loud and real. It's not obnoxious, it's just not held back. She smiles differently. I wonder if she notices these kinds of things about me. Maybe she does. Maybe I act differently in front of her from Josh and them. I probably just never notice something like that about myself. She smiled a lot more in front of me- was that something she felt? Did she notice how much she smiled at me.

Probably not, but I could feel my cheeks grow numb from smiling too much. I never smiled this much.

At least not before getting to know Ashley.

* * *

She pulled a chair up closer to mine opening her paper bag. I was sipping the stale coffee trying to wake up. I started my shift at five- opening. She started a few hours later with a Carol's coffee cup in her hand. She looked nice in the morning. It was cooler and her cheeks had color to them. Maybe it was just make-up but I can't tell. She smiled though saying hi to me. We talked some more. And here our lunch was normal- as usual- she was taking out half of her sandwich and handing it to me.

I usually resist as always. She goes on to say: "You're getting too skinny- I thought I'd have to worry about Charlotte having an eating disorder, but you Will? Come on, just take it. It's fine." But no, today she had two bags. She passes one to me. I look at her. What is this?

"I told my mom about you," She said smiling. "She insisted on making you a lunch for now on."

"When did she decide this?" I asked. She was opening her bag taking out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I let mine sit and settle in in front of me. I was used to sharing with Ashley. Half a sandwich was enough. Was perfect. Here her mother made me a whole lunch. Was I special? I was special enough for Ashley to tell her mother about. I was special enough to be friends with someone like Ashley. I was special enough to be one of her "best" friends. She was probably close to being mine.

She shrugged. "She's been saying it for a while," She said smiling a little at me. "But she finally made one today. I just saw two lunches and knew. She works a lot and makes my lunch before she goes to work." I slowly opened it. There was my name written on it too. This was weird.

But it was the same as sharing. A full sandwich and an apple that wasn't already half-eaten- that was the only different. Plus there was a note: "Have a good day today- thank you for everything you've done for Ash!!!!" I smiled and Ashley reached over taking the note from me and reading it. She smiled a little blushing. She turned a nice shade of pink when she blushed. I looked away. She was my best friend- why was I feeling this all of a sudden?

"I had no idea she wrote that," She said. She put it down and ran a hand through her hair blushing a deeper shade. I smiled at her.

"It's fine, don't worry. That was nice, tell her I said a million thank yous." I said. I wasn't special until I met Ashley. Now I was special enough to possibly be a known part of her life. I didn't care if I was just a conversation at dinner or in a car ride somewhere- I wasn't just her friend within work and awkward lunches and study.

"I will," She said smiling. The sandwich was good. In fact I felt amazing. I felt like I was on top of the world. We talked normally. Laughing a lot and being us to each other. I felt comfortable. I even brought up Matt. Maybe in a little while I could explain to her Matt or my family- but it was seeping out slowly. I didn't want lunch to end. She still had register but I had produce. Then I got off and had to take Matt home. My grandmother had him today. This was what most Saturdays were like if my dad had work.

Ashley got off an hour after I did so she didn't see Matt and me. I waited outside for my grandmother's old used Volvo pulled up and she dropped Matt off. She smiled and told me to work hard and see her next week. I nodded saying to see her too. Matt looked up at me. He looked tired. He had been reading Harry Potter again.

"Hey," I said looking at him.

"Hi," He said. We didn't talk much after that. In the car ride he fell asleep. It wasn't that late but I felt bad waking him up so I pulled over to the side of the road shutting my car off. He'd be up tonight anyways- and I started on my homework. I didn't want to wake him up he'd just whine. I did an English paper while he slept in the backseat.

By the time I got home he had woken up turning onto our street.

* * *

**A/N: What's happening? Predictions? Review please. I'm feeling pretty down lately with my writing. I don't get as many views or anything anymore :( where has everyone been?**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I should have gotten the hint when Matt looked green on Sunday morning. I left for work in a hurry. Not because I was late but because I wanted to be there early. I wanted to get there as soon as I possibly could. I wanted to get register duty so badly today. I didn't care if it involved standing upright for hours at a time I could stop myself. I jsut was excited out of my mind and when Don gruffly said I did in fact get my normal register I was ecstatic. The kind you rarely get. I was Charlie when he found the golden ticket when he thought there was no chance of getting it.

And as I helped a business woman in a rush I saw Ashley walk up to her register flicking the light on and smiling at me as I glanced over the business woman's shoulder. I smiled back scanning a _People_ magazine and then a pack of Hostess chocolate covered donettes. I felt a slight rush in my stomach as I looked at the screen saying her total. She slammed a credit card into the slot and did her key-pad and signed the screen. "Have a nice day," I said smiling a little weaker at her.

She sighed. "You too," She said grabbing her supplies and left. Leaving nothing in between me and Ashley. She smiled and leaned onto her counter. "I'm so tired," She said weakly. Her eyelids closed- they were shaded a slight pink. When she opened them they smiled at me.

"Goodmorning," I said.

"Hey," She said smiling at me with her lips which were shaded a darker pink. They looked like cake frosting and sparkled. It was lip gloss I know, I've seen lip gloss before but on Ashley it was different. It did what it was supposed to do and I blinked hard and we started talking. Joking about inside jokes we formed last night until people came down with what they needed for a day or a week. Their food, and for me magazines, flew by quickly. We were just rushing to talk more.

Mrs. Hansen made me lunch again today and we talked all lunch too. Until suddenly Don called me in and said I had... produce. I could feel the dissapointment wieghing me down but I did it. Packing boxes with apples and corn and green beans. I worked longer than Ashley and when she left she came up and said goodbye. She helped me out too a little until I had to go out back. When I did she said a real goodbye and left. I watched her walk away and her curls flowing behind her. I tried to stop tihnkign about her but work and school were something I looked forward to now all of a sudden.

When I woke up at three a.m. to puking noises that was it. They all were gone. I was the big brother again. My dad was up already running in to help Matt but I told him to go back to bed and I helped Matt. I gave him Saltines- they were a little stale but I hoped it was okay a bucket and turned on the TV. I- I know- cleaned up the upstairs and the bathroom and gagged myself a few times but just went downstairs and sat with him.

The flu is my worst enemy.

I called in for the two of us and we sat and watched TV. I did homework and work Zach brought for me after school. He looked around. "So, uh," He said. "Ashley Hansen was asking about you..."

That's what I thought about most. Not my grades or anything about not seeing Ashley. I wondered if she cared. But I didn't need a little more teasing right now. "Oh," I said pretending like I didn't know why. "What did she say?"

"She just asked where you were and if you were okay," He said. "You guys are pretty close now, right? Charlotte says she talks about you a ton. Didn't you just start talking to her a month ago?" A month was all it took. I did consider Ashley one of my closer friends. Zach knows more about my life. He knows Matt and even said "hi" to him and gave him a bottle of ginger ale.

"Yeah," I said. I shrugged. "We just talk a lot."

He paused leaning against a counter looking at me. I knew Zach would say it. "You like her don't you?" He asked. "I know she's dating that Gavin kid, but do you like her or what?"

I froze and shook my head. "No," I said. "It's not like it even matters if I do. I have to take care of Matt. I have to work and do all of that stuff. It's so hard lately I can't have a girlfriend or anything and besides Ashley has a boyfriend." I said this all quickly. I've gone over it so many times in my head. I was shocked when I caught myself making up these thigns in my head while we talked or while I waited for her to finish ringing up someone to hear what she had to say next.

He raised his eyebrows. "You've put a lot of thought into that..." He said. "I don't know dude, you seem kind of like you do. I mean you have to a little bit at least."

I shrugged. "I don't know." I said. "I haven't liked anyone in forever."

Zach snorted a little. "You're such a girl sometimes," He said. "You think you're going to be in school tomorrow?" I looked at the clock on the stove. It's been seven hours since Matt puked last. I should keep him home one more day. To make sure he's okay. I don't want to leave school to drive him home. One more day and then I'll send him back.

"No," I said. "Wednesday, for sure though."

Zach pushed off of the counter. "I have to get home, but I'll bring your work tomorrow." He said.

"Thanks," I said. And he left.

Matt stays out of my personal life usually but when I walked back into the living room he was sitting and he turned around instantly. "Who's Ashley?" He asked.

"Ashley?"

"Yeah," He said. "Is she a girl you like?"

I shook my head. "No," I said. "She's nobody." I wondered what Josh had said at lunch if Ashley asked about me suddenly. Probably about my taking care of Matt to try and be funny to Charlotte. My friends didn't tease me in a mean way abotu how I take care of Matt a lot. My dad works most of the time and they're just used to it. I started studying for my permit when I was fifteen and a half to get my license as soon as I could.

"Oh," Matt said sitting back down. He had his ginger ale open and he ate another saltine. I'd have to get some more sometime in the future he ate them all. And luckily kept them down too. I sat down next to him and we watched the rest of the cartoons he had on. When he's sick like this is when Matt is really normal. He just watches TV obsessively and doesn't do anything else. Especially when he has something like this becuase he doesn't want to puke on his books.

He gagged and grabbed his bucket. Maybe I'd be back Thursday on second thought.

* * *

We ran out of soup. There was a sale and I went to the grocery store to get some. I walked to the ten items or less when I saw Ashley in her register. "Will," She put down her magazine. "Hey."

I walked into her isle. "Hi," I said. I wasn't ashamed just embarrassed. I was buying chicken noodle soup to take home to my little brother who was puking again every hour. She tucked hair behind her ear shutting her magazine. "Where have you been?"

This is when my two worlds collided. My life as a big brother and my life as a normal kid crashed into each other. "My little brother's sick," I said.

"Did you have something?" She asked. "I wondered why you weren't in school today." I know. I almost said that but I didn't I just nodded.

"My, uh," She scanned them listening. "Dad works a lot so I stay home with him and take care of him. He's in the third grade so he can't be alone and it started in the middle of the night so I didn't call my grandmother or anyone."

"Oh," She said. "I thought he was older. Like in the eighth grade or a freshman. Really? He's only in the third grade?"

"Yeah," I said. I talk about Matt sometimes like he's older when he's so young still. He doesn't know any swears or where babies come from. He's still innocent and naive and at the same time strangely mature.

"Tell him to get better for me," She said smiling at me. "Are you going to be in school tomorrow?"

"No," I said. "Probably not until Thursday, it got really bad again for him so I'll stay home with him and stuff again. But I'll see you then okay?"

"Do you want your work or something?" She asked. "I could bring it to you."

"No," I said. "Thank you though, Zach's already doing it for me and everything but thank you." I smield at her.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Thank you though."

I gave her a five and she gave me change. "Wait," She said. She grabbed a sticky note and a pen that were under the register. "If you need anything you can call me. I alwayd get bored some nights so you can call me to whenever and talk or whatever. I won't see you until Thursday and I need some help with math which you are strangely good at..."

Is this what happens to normal guys? She gave it to me and I smield taking it. "Okay," I said. "I will."

I knew I probably wouldn't but I felt like I had a normal a life for a second. I could call her if I wanted. I couldn't really. She had a boyfriend and we were just friends but suddenly I had butterflies like a little girl. We said goodbye and I got my soup and left walking in a cloud. I wanted to call her. Would it be weird if I did? Was this a home number? A cell phone? I had no idea. I figured I could try it. But no. A part of me say I shouldn't. I didn't need anything but she said it was okay if I jsut wanted to talk.

I looked at it when I got into my car. I put it in my wallet and started my car smiling to myself.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The phone was in my hand. The number was dialed and I was staring at it. It's been dialed seventeen times in the last half hour. I just sit staring at it hoping I could make sense of this. This need to just press 'Talk' and see if she answers. It's eight by now and Matt isn't getting any better. I'll be out all week. I can't take him to a doctor right now because it takes three hours to drive to one that's in our insurance plan. But he hasn't puked since this morning but ny the sound of my dad's footsteps and the sink coming on I figured I was stuck at home all week- no doubt.

Call her. Don't call her.

I could call her and she could answer and we could talk. I could call her and she could be out with Gavin and not answer. I could call her and get her mother. I could get her father- that was worse. I wanted to thank her mother for making me a work lunch, but tonight I just wanted to talk to Ashley. Ashley. Or no Asley. Call. Or not to call. This was unraveling pointless and too much for me. I didn't like her. I had no reason to call her. I had no questions for her or needs or anything. I didn't need anything from her. Just a conversation she might be too busy to have. I could hear the guys now: "What do you like this chick?"

I don't. I can't.

So for the second night in a row I abandoned my phone and went downstairs to Matt who was green again applying chap-stick to his lips. He looked at me and nodded. His eyes turned to the TV and I scratched my neck walking into the kitchen putting the phone back. "I was looking for that," My dad said suddenly. "Who did you call?"

"Nobody," I said. "I didn't talk to anyone."

"Did you try calling someone?" He asked looking at me steadily. My dad didn't make it through high school. Why? Because of me. Why? Because he loved my mother too much to let her suffer alone. He loved her too much to let her go to. "A girl?"

I went to the sink and cupped my hand under the faucet and pooled it with water I sucked out of my hands like Tarzan would do at a river. It saved space in our single dishwasher that was bound to break any second as it wheezed through another load of dishes with Ragu sauce or chicken noodel soup. "No," I said. "Well... yeah, kind of, not like in a girlfriend way, she's a friend."

"Oh," My dad said clearign his throat in disbelief. "I see how it is."

I leaned agaisnt the sink again looking at my dad. I was a year less than half of his age, and here he was looking older than anyone I've ever seen. "It's really not like that," I said. "The last thing I need is a relationship."

There was a silence. My dad studied me. "William..." He started lectures this way. "I know what it's like to be in your shoes, but you're 16... you need to be 16. You're acting older than me and that says a lot. I know you feel like Matt is your responsibility but you need to know your place. You are both of my responsibility. You're only responsibility is have a better life than this. You can look out for Matt but I'm his father... not you. Go out with your friends and get drunk just have a designated driver and don't do drugs and drive. That's all I ask. Make it home in one piece and get with as many girls as you want."

His voice was low so Matt didn't hear these foreign ideas. "Just don't make a mistake because one mistake will lead you down a rough path. Life is always beautiful- I don't regret anything I've done. I love you and Matt and your mother more than anything- but I want you to live better than I did when I was your age." He stared at me steadily. He never said much- my father. But here he was saying it all in one place. "I need help sometimes, but you... Will, you need to find the middle ground. This is the only life you have. Don't become a father yet, Matt's still my son. Wait until you're my age to have kids."

I swallowed. "I'm not trying to be Matt's father," I said. "I'm still just his brother, I just need to help out."

"No," My dad said. "One night let Matt teach me how to play chess while you go out and chase girls, I can handle stuff like that. I don't want you to abandon me because I need you still, I just want you to go out and be 16. You're an old soul- your mother was the same way, I just want you to not regret this when you're fifty and someone asks you what you were like when you were 16."

My arms crossed and I looked down. Would I regret this someday? No. Never. I'd never regret this. There will be girls my whole life. There will be living to live when it's okay for me to live. Matt is all the hope this hosue has. I need to help him be what he needs to be to go to college and grow up. I looked at my dad who was waiting for me to say something.

The phone rang and my dad went over to it looking at me stedily and calmly. He answered because I cancelled caller ID to save some more money. "Hello?" He waited. "Yes, hold on... it's okay... can I ask who this is?" He nodded. He looked at me. "It's Ashley Hansen."

I walked over quickly taking the phone and pressing it to my ear. "Ash?" I said.

There was a muffled sound. "I got your number from Zach," I knew suddenly she was crying. Her voice was shaking. "I really need to talk to someone."

"I'm here," I said starting towards the stairs.

"You always are," She said softer.

I went up to my room in three seconds closing the door. "What happened?" I asked quickly.

She breathed. "Just all of this stuff," She said. "I don't know where to even start..."

"Start at the beginning," I said. I sat on my mattress on the floor and waited. "Ash," I said softly. "You can tell me anything, I'm always here for you. I'm always on your side."

"I know," She said. "Thank you, so much Will, for everything. You're the only person I can talk to about everything to. Is it too cheesy to say you're my best friend?"

I smiled softly. Her voice was enough for me. I was glad I didn't have to call first. "No," I said. "Is it too cheesy to say you're mine too?"

She laughed softly. Her voice still heavy with tears. "This is a bad boyfriend rant," She said. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," I said. "That's fine." I hated Gavin. I always was fine with getting more reasons to hate him.

"It's just I can't tell this to Charlotte because she's a part of this too," She said.

"It's okay, Ash."

She laughed softly again. "Do you know how impossible it is not to believe you completely when you say that?"

* * *

**A/N: **_I saw a real life Will.__I don't know where all of you are from but in New England we have a supermarket chain called "Shaw's" and I saw a kid who looked just like my character image of Will running in tying on his green Shaw's apron. I was really happy and pointed it out ot my mother who just rolled with it as she's done with everything my whole life. It's so cool to see my characters appear in my life. Like on one of my favorite singer's albums there was a real-life Paul Spinella in the credits. I was so excited about that. _**Have you ever expirienced something like that?**

**Who's your favorite character NOW?**

**Who do you hate? love? **

**Who do you relate to most?**

**Is this story realistic?**

**What do you want more of? What do you want to know more about?**

**Are you excited about this yet? **

**Do you think this is as good as "Pefect Kisses/Last Place"?**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I lay there in the dark. The phone was resting on my chest and I just stared at my ceiling. I closed my eyes hearing her voice. I would have never known her life was ever like that. I would have never thought she would think those things. I never thought she could be unhappy. "I am sorry for calling you. I didn't mean to waste three hours going on and on about-" I stopped her. I was here for her. I wanted her to be happy. She meant to much to me to let her ever think she wasted my time.

I picked up the phone looking at it. I put it on the floor and lay there for a few more minutes. I felt terrible. It hurt me to hear her crying. She was home alone she had said. Her mother was working and her father was downstairs which didn't count. I never like the phone, but I had to settle for it. I couldn't wait to see Ashley on Friday when Matt would hopefully be better and I could go to work. I needed to know she was still okay. I needed to know she hadn't lied to me on the phone when she said she felt so much better.

My eyes closed eventually. But I couldn't stop thinking about Ashley.

* * *

Matt was asleep on the couch and I sat there doing all of my make-up work. I wanted to get all of this stuff so when I went back I wouldn't be stuck behind like it had been last year when Matt got sick like this. I kept writing and looking over and seeing him asleep on the couch. He looked like he did when he was a baby. He used to sleep all the time. He still can, but he was just lying there asleep. He looked healthy. All I could think about was work.

The doorbell rang- more work. I got up and hurried over to the door so Zack didn't start attacking the doorbell and wake Matt up by accident. I opened the door and he had my history book. "Hey," He said.

"Hi," I said. "What's up?"

"Nothing," He said shrugging. I stepped back for him to come in. "Matt getting better?"

"Yeah," I said. "I took him to the doctor's today. Just the stomach bug. He has to ride it out." I felt bad just sticking him on the couch and not helping him. I made him soup when we got home and he fell asleep an hour later, but luckily he hasn't thrown up all day.

"Cool," Zack said nodding. He passed me my history book. "Sucks though that you have to miss so much school."

I shrugged taking it. "I guess," I said. "I can't leave him home alone."

Zack nodded looking around. "You coming to school tomorrow?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I'm going to work though," I said. "I can't miss any more work, but I'm keeping Matt home another day."

Zack looked at me for a second. "Do you want to come out with us and the guys tomorrow night?" He asked. "Your dad will be home right? You can hang out after work..." I paused thinking about it. I didn't think I could. I should be home and just hang out with Matt for one more night.

"Whose going?"

"The usual," He said. "Adam, Josh, Charlotte, Ashley, Cam..."

I touched my neck. "I probably can," I said. "My shift ends at seven thirty tomorrow. Do you think you guys will be out around then?"

"Yeah, sure," Zack said. "Actually I think we're going out a little later because Ash is working later and then Josh and Charlotte are hanging out afterschool, so I could even pick you up..." He knows offering to drive me will set this in stone. I nod hesitantly. Why did I just agree to that?

"Okay, cool," I said. "That, um, sounds good."

"Cool," Zack said smiling. "Maybe we'll get you out more than once a month this year..."

I smile. "Yeah," I said nodding. "I'd be down for that."

He snorted. "You're fifty dude!" He said hitting me. "We have to get you out every night. See this is why I say you should try doing track... it gets you out of the house for an extra hour and a half. God, you'll have grey hair by the time we graduate."

I laughed. "Whatever," I said. "Call me and tell me what's happening tomorrow..."

"You better answer too, no I wasn't home bullshit." He said pointing at me. He walked towards the door.

"I won't give you any BS." I said.

He smiled. "See you man," He said.

"Bye," I said. He opened the door and walked out. He closed the door behind him and I stood there in the front hall of my house and didn't understand how I agreed to going out tomorrow night. I just did. I was a little excited though. I was going a little crazy staying home for so long. I looked at the book in my hand. I figured I should start working on some homework.

* * *

My father walked in around eight. He worked overtime because I wasn't working this week. I had made Matt pasta with ragu and had some left over for my father when he came home. He walked into the kitchen his footsteps heavy on the hardwood and made himself a bowl before coming in and sitting on the couch while Matt was watching TV and I was doing the last few assignments I hadd before I had to start doing a hundred pages of reading.

"Hi," He said sitting down.

"Hey," Matt said.

We were all quiet. Matt was watching the TV carefully. It was a game-show or something he has been watching all week. I kept doing math. I was going to start failing math soon but I worked hard on the problems until I thought I got them right. My father ate and watched whatever Matt was. Then he looked over at me. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I said looking up. "And, um, I think I'm going out tomorrow night."

My father brightened up a little. He wasn't smiling and telling me how proud he was. "With who?" He said. He wasn't even smiling but his shoulders straightened a little.

"I don't know," I said. "Zack, Josh, Ashley, Adam, Josh's girlfriend-"

"Ashley? Isn't she the girl who called here this week?" I looked down at my math problem. I was working it out. For once I always got it but that was always a bad sign. Whenever I felt like I got it I was always wrong.

"Yep," I said. I wrote in a few numbers. Nine, seven, two point three.

"Huh," My father said. He figured she was my girlfriend. I didn't tell my parents I had a girlfriend in the eighth grade. I didn't want them to make me break up with her or make a big deal about it. Matt kept his eyes on the TV and was listening to us. When my father finished eating his pasta he got up and went into the kitchen. The phone rang. "Hello?" heard him say. "Yes he is, hold on a second."

I looked up instantly and when my father came in about to say the phone was for me: my math book lay abandoned and I got up going over to get the phone from him. My heart was racing. "It's Ashley," He said this with a certain tone. He meant it was _Ashley._ Not just any Ashley, it was the Ashley. I didn't like Ashley but I didn't correct him. I took the phone and started walking. "Hello?" I said.

"Hey," Her voice was bright and sweet like it always was. "I hear you're going out with us tomorrow night..."

I started climbing the stairs two by two. "Yeah," I said. "Zack came over and I figured I need to get out of the house for a little while."

"Are you sick?" She asked.

"No, my brother still is though," I said.

"Oh," She said. "He still has the same thing?"

"Yeah," I said. "Just the stomach bug, I guess it's going around or something. The school nurse-" I winced. Why was I telling her this? "-said it was." I didn't want her to know this part of me. I didn't want her to understand the nanny jokes and all the teasing the guys put on me. I wanted her to just casually ask and say me and my brother are really close. Then she'll stop asking, but now I was revealing myself slowly. I love Matt. I was just used to having a second life where I could be friends with someone and they didn't have to know everything.

"Tell him to feel better for me again," She said. "His name's Matt, right?"

"Yeah," I said shutting my bedroom door slowly.

"Well, make sure Matt knows I want him to feel better."

"I will,"

"What about you? Why haven't you caught it yet?" She was just poking fun at me.

"No," I sat down on my mattress smiling a little. "I have a good immune system."

She laughed. "If you ever need me to cover for you," She said. "At work and everything, I'd love to. You missed a lot this week."

"I know," I said. "I'll call you next time."

"Good," She said. "I miss you at work and school and everything."

"How is everything?" I lay back.

"Better," She said quietly. "He went away this weekend with his family so I have a little break from him."

I nodded. I didn't like Gavin. I hated him. "You can always come to me if you need to talk," I said.

"I know," She said. "And you can always come to me too. For anything, Will..."

I couldn't go to Ashley though. She didn't care. I felt a tug in my chest. We talked for three hours that night. I don't know what about but we just did. I hung up and lay in bed. I was working all this weekend because we needed money for the water bill. We didn't have enough yesterday. We didn't have nearly enough to pay it. I felt a tug again in my chest. "We'll just have to skimp on groceries this week..." My father had said.

Matt needs a new pair of sneakers. Another piece of them fell off yesterday. "We'll just have to skimp..."

I am fifty years old. Nobody has to think about this. Only me.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I was stocking the coffee isle when all of a sudden I heard my name. I looked over to see her for the first time all week. She smiled brightly and rushed over. It's only been a week but I felt like I hadn't seen her in years. I packed the last bag onto the shelf and she just walked right up to me and hugged me. It was just a friends hug, but I was never so happy to see someone after only a week. "Hey," She said.

"Hi," I said smiling ear-to-ear. She stepped back smiling back at me.

"Welcome back," She said. "This place was starting to fall apart without you, Don even missed you." This was a joke, and the only reason she said it was because for some reason Don was out of work for the day. I smiled and laughed. Any joke was nice to hear. "He kept asking me if you were still sick and how you were."

I smiled. "I don't believe you," I said. "He hates me."

She shook her head. "He was basically crossing his fingers for the moment I would say you were fine," She said. "Are you going out back?"

"Yeah," I said. "Come on." I started pushing the cart with her walking beside me. "He's not even here," I said. "If he missed me so much, I would think he would be waiting at the glass doors for me to pop up out of nowhere." Ashley laughed. I missed her laugh in person. Over the phone, sure, she sounds the same. Just in person it's completely different. There's always that special jump to it. It isn't being relayed through a series of wires across universes. She's right here. We're in the same plain.

"Matt's better I'm guessing," She said smilign still. I pushed the cart through the swinging doors.

"He is," I said looking around. "He's reading his Harry Potter books again and already caught up with school." I pushed the cart over to the line of them waiting for more food to be loaded into the isles. She walked with me.

"What about you?" She asked leaning onto one while I checked what needed restoking. "Are you caught up?"

"Yes," I said. I crossed out bottled water and found the cart for them. "Zack brought me all my work and I don't think I'm behind at all. We have it down to a science." She headed over to the employee check in and I followed her.

"That's good," She said. "I had mono Sophomore year, oh god, that was terrible. I had to make up so much work. It was the worst." I didn't know she had had mono. I had remembered the mono epidemic that went around but I had never thought she would have gotten it. Zack had and it had really sucked. I was lucky to have missed it. That's when they banned us all from sharing drinks and you got an hour if you did.

"Yeah," I said. "I remember that whole mono thing. I was lucky to have missed it."

She smiled at me carding in. "It sucked." She said. There was a ping and she stuck her card in her little slot and started wrapping her apron on. "Are you stocking all night?"

"No," I said smiling. We started to head out. "Actually, I think I might have register for the end of my shift."

She smiled. "Really?" She asked. "Thank god, Claire Sandoval has had your register all week and all she did was give me dirty looks every time I tried to start conversation." Claire was known to be the most untalkative thing in the entire world- she was ranked next to rocks. Over the summer when Don was on vacation I was the assistant manager, I swear she cursed me or something under her breath when I told her to check a little faster. Her lines always block up and it causes every other like to block up too.

"You tried talking to Claire?" I said in shock. "Why?"

She smiled shrugging. "I guess I just missed talking to you," She said. "It's so boring working without someone to talk to. Plus my breaks are always so boring." I smiled. Those words stuck to me. She missed me. She's said it to me on the phone and everything, but hearing it in person was a whole different meaning.

"Well," We stopped where she had to go to her register and I had to head towards the soda isle. "I'll be at the registers around six so we can catch up even more."

"I'll be waiting," She said smiling at me. She started down the isle smiling back at me before she turned and kept walking. I smiled watching her walk away. I pushed my cart and felt a bounce in my step. I really missed Ashley. Work meant nothing to me, I only looked forward to seeing Ashley now. My paycheck was sitting in my pocket. It didn't even matter to me that it was barely anything at all. I got to see Ashley. That was enough.

* * *

She reached over shutting off her light. I did the same. We kept talking. We headed down the cereal isle together. Zack had stopped by out of boredness and we decided that Ashley and I could catch up to them when we were ready. We would just call him when we got out. We went to the back and got our things. The employee loungue was empty and quiet. She fished out her keys twirling them in her hand and threw her bag over her shoulder.

"I'll call Zack," She said. She had figured out I didn't have a cell phone number. "Okay," I said. I pulled open a chair and sank down lettign out a sigh of relief. She did the same. "Hey," She said. "Yeah, we're just getting out now. Where are you guys? Oh, okay, so you already left? Yeah, we'll meet you there. He lives on Cherry street right? Okay, yeah that's fine. Yeah, see you in a little while. Bye."

She closed her phone. "They left the restaurant," She said. I didn't really mind. I didn't have the money to go out to eat any- "Are you hungry? I'm starving, want to grab something quick to eat and then meet them at the party?"

I froze. "Um," I said. She was looking at me expectantly. She was starving. I weighed it out in three seconds. "Yeah, sure, can we stop by the bank?"

"Yeah, sure," She said. "Where do you want to go?"

"Um," My voice was small. What was I thinking? We needed the money at home. The bill was sitting on the table still. We needed water. I didn't need food. "I don't really care."

She looked at the table thinking about what she wanted to eat. "I really want a burger," She said. "Is Friendly's good?" Friendly's? I hadn't been there since I was a kid. I figured it wouldn't be more than ten bucks. That was a lot for dinner, but I thought about it. it would give me and hour or so with Ashley. It'd cost me about ten bucks or more, but that just meant no milkshakes for Matt for a while.

"Yeah," I said. "That's fine."

She smiled sighing. "I forget how good it feels to sit after a five and a half hour shift," She said.

I smiled back at her nodding. I felt like an idiot nodding like that, but I was starting to get anxious.

* * *

I got a glass of water. It was sweating onto the table and it was cold and nice and free. Ashley got a coke. We sat there sipping them while we waited for our food. We were talking still. She was telling me about grocery store drama and I listened laughing. Somehow she made this worth it. Ten bucks would at least knock a few numbers off of the bills we had coming, but she had me thinking about Bill the Deli guy and how he and Sylvia the florist getting into a screaming match at closing, not electricity bills. Not even the water bill. Not even Matt's sneakers.

"I wish I could have seen that," I said. "You should have been there when they broke up." I shook my head remembering it. "I mean, the place was tense all summer because of that. I can't imagine what the fight would have been like after that. Was-"

"They dated?" She said. "I thought the name-calling was just defense. He was calling her a whore and everything, it was so scary." Her eyes were wide. I laughed. I have been laughing all night. The waitress who helped us walked by asking us if we needed anything. "No thank you," Ashley said smiling.

She shook her head. "I can't even picture them dating," She said. "Bill's like two hundred pounds and she's barely a hundred it looks." She sat back pulling her hair back. I just watched her. I loved her hair. I thought it was so pretty. It curled just right and it always smelled like strawberries. I don't even know how I know that, I just do.

"It was actually pretty normal for them." I said. "They just would work together, he just couldn't buy her flowers or anything without her knowing." She laughed at that. I smiled a little. "The break-up was rough though. Everyone saw it coming."

Ashley looked off. "I gues I can picture it," She said. "But that must have been hard for him. The flowers are so cheap too. He'd have to drive across town just to get her a little bouquet or something. But then again, Bill doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would buy her flowers."

I smiled a little. "You woudl have been surprised." I said. "He bought her a while dozen of sunflowers for her birthday once. She wouldn't stop talking about them. It was probably the most talked about thing all day. Sylvia's sunflowers."

She smiled a little. "That sounds nice," She said. Then out came our food. We had got the same thing. Just a normal cheeseburger each. When the waitress set them out in front of us I stared at my plate. It was big. There was a huge mound of fries too. I couldn't even remember the last time I got a meal in a sit-down restaurant, even if it was just Friendly's.

"Thank you," Ashley said.

"Would you both like refills?" Our waitress asked. She was old. Not in the really old way. She was skinny and had caked on face make-up but she smiled at Ashley like she was the second-coming. I nodded thanking her.

"Can I just have a glass of water?" Ashley asked.

"Of course," The waitress said. "I'll be right back."

Once she was gone, Ashley leaned in. "She loves us," She said. "Every five minutes she walks by."

I smiled picking up a fry. I put it into my mouth. She loved Ashley. Loving Ashley was probably the easiest thing for anyone. I watched her load katchup onto her cheesburger. She passed it over to me. I smiled a little down onto my food. She took a bit of her burger and closed her eyes savoring the bite. "Friendly's is amazing sometimes," She said.

"I know," I said. She was adorable.

We ate. Slowly. We talked more than we ate. Or she did. I was taking in every single bite and enjoying it. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. When we finished eating Ashley sat there. "Do you want to split a sundae?" She asked. "I don't think I could eat a whole one." I had agreed. In five minutes our plates were gone and the waitress brought out a hot fudge sundae with two spoons. We kept talking about whatever we talk about and dove in. I couldn't remember the last time I had a hot fudge sundae.

The waitress came by leaving the bill. I looked at it and reached for it looking inside. Seven dollars each. I felt relief wash over me. Ten dollars with the tip. We left the money. I was happy it was nothing to worry about. We walked out thanking the waitress and got into Ashley's car. It was ten. I had spent all afternoon with her.

I felt content for once.

* * *

**A/N: I've missed you all. **_After six months of being silence, I decided I might try and pick this up where I left off. I really want to thank "Miss Understood." I have been really looking for my start here again and she got me on the right path. There's only so much I can put the same characters through. Here is a story that is chuck full of potential. I might as well start squeezing some of it out. It is one of my most successful stories anyway, I mean when it comes to like how many reviews per chapter there are. _**I hope you guys have stuck with me. I miss hearing from you. If you're reading this, let me say: thank you. **_Then let me invent time travel and keep replaying that thank you over and over and over and over again._** I know it's been a while. Review if you want to. **

**Tell me what you think of this. Anything changed? **

**Do the characters seem consistent?**

**Are you guys still here?**_ I know my other recent update was a huge step back and kind of stealthy, but maybe a role-call is in order? _


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

We hit the highway instantly. I sat there smiling a little to myself watching all the cars go by. The lights and the skyline. I felt happy. Today was one of those days that everything was perfect. If only I never had to go back. Ashley said into the phone. I looked over. She was calling Charlotte to see where everyone was. I just listened ot her talk. They were all at Josh's house. But from the sound of her tone- Charlotte was probably drunk. Okay, we'll be there in a few minutes.

She hung up her phone and threw it into her change-tray. I just looked over uncomfortably. She had sounded perfectly fine on the phone. I didn't know what to do. I just awkwardly looked out the window. It was quiet for a few minutes. "Hey, Will," She said my name- I felt chills slip through me. I looked over. "Why aren't you asking me why I even bother with her?"

"What?" I didn't really know what to say to that. I mean, I understood what she said, I was just shocked. You always see yourself asking questions like that, but never do. I thought she was still angry, but her eyebrows weren't bent down slightly. Her mouth was a smooth, slightly curling line. She wasn't mad, or anything. She was just calm. She was sincere about that.

She said glancing over. I mean, you have to think I hate her guts, right? I leaned my head against the seat looking at her. Her hair was really curly tonight, she had said it was because of the humidity or something. I thought it looked nice. I hadn't had the guts to say anything about it- that'd be creepy- but she had complained about it.

"No," I said. "Everyone gets annoyed with their friends."

She looked over at me. She exhaled, something she does from time to time. "I just feel like I get annoyed all the time," She said. "Am I an awful person for that?"

"No way," I said. I looked forward. "I am always annoyed with Josh. But he's one of my best friends. It just happens."

"You're the only person I don't get annoyed with," She said. "All Charlotte does is piss me off. But I still consider her a friend. I don't get why, I just do."

"Nobody knows why," I looked out the window. We breezed by the street that gets you right to Josh's. "Hey, Ash, I think we just missed where we were supposed to get off."

She looked behind us. She sighed turning forward. Long way it is, then. She wasn't being mean to me, in fact her voice was the same as it always was. But she ws upset. I sat back and looked at the highway. I wasn't going to protest taking the long way. The last thing I wanted was to have to deal with drunk people tonight. Her phone started ringing. She looked at it and then leaned forward and picked it up.

I saw her glance at me. "Don't worry about it," I said.

She slowly answered, giving me one last glance. I smiled a little and looked out the window. After being apart for so long, it was weird how we never missed anything. Now we knew exactly what the other was thinking. "Hello?" She said. "Oh, hey. How are you?" The way her voice changed- so quickly. Like something snapped into place. I just knew. I twitched and tried to keep my face away from her direction. "I'm just with Will- we're going to meet up with Charlotte and people."

I swallowed. I was "just Will." Was I allowed to be bothered by that? I didn't like her or anything, but it made me sound like a wimp. Like I was the little brother or something. I didn't think of Ashley as my sister, which is probably why it bothered me. "Look, I don't want to get into this right now. I'll call you tonight. Okay?"

I braced myself.

"I love you,"

I blinked slowly, moving my elbow onto the seat. My hand fell in front of my mouth. I just stared out the window. "Bye," She hung up, her phone returning to the change-tray.

She exhaled. "You know," She said. I looked over slowly. "I think you're the only person in the world I never get annoyed with."

* * *

Zach and I were off to the side. We weren't completely isolated, but we just weren't listening to everyone else. Ashley was with everyone else. I watched her, she was smiling. She wasn't talking- just listening to Josh tell a funny story to the group of four or five people. I exhaled through my nose and crossed my arms. I felt Zach nudge me.

"You like her," He said. "I can tell." I looked at him. He was grinning- so pleased with himself. "You can't even deny it, you've been staring at her for at least ten minutes, dude. It's getting creepy. You're like... pining for her-"

"I'm not," I said. "I wasn't looking at her."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay dude," He said. "But you can't keep telling me you don't secretly love her. I can tell." I rolled my eyes. Then looked back at her quickly. "You wouldn't be fighting me if you didn't, Will. Come on, I know you." I didn't love her or like her in any way other than a friend. She was pretty, but I thought a lot of girls were pretty. She was nice and easy to talk to, but so was Zach. That didn't mean I had a crush on him. But it was Ashley Hansen. Then on top of that, she had a boyfriend. I had a family to worry about. I looked over at Zach.

"Then I'm going to stop fighting," I said. "I don't like her. That's it."

He gave me a look. "It's okay to like a girl," He said. "Hell, Josh and I were trying to decide if you were asexual or something. You haven't liked a girl since Ashley. And that was what? A hundred years ago? It's not that big of a deal, I'm not going to go tell everyone."

I sighed. I pushed off of the table. "It's getting late," I said. "Can you give me a ride to my car?"

He looked at the group. "Yeah," He said. "Sure." He pushed off of the table and I followed. We didn't bother saying anything to anyone. We just left. I sat there in Zach's dad's car. It was a few months old, but still smelled new. I looked over at Zach. I really wished I had it easy like him. He just drove me to the parking lot of the grocery store. I said a quick goodbye but he kept giving me a look.

"Look, dude," I said. I leaned into the window of the passenger door. "I can't like her."

"Will," He said suddenly. "You are the most miserable person I've ever met."

I stared at him. "I'll see you on Monday, I guess," He said.

In one minute I was watching him drive away. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Those words were just sticking to me. _Will, you're the most miserable person I've ever met. _I fell back against my car and stood there. Was I miserable? It hit me finally that I was. I was sixteen years old and worried about bills. I was taking care of my little brother in ways no big brother should. I was wasting away. But I didn't remember being unhappy for so long. I inhaled and exhaled. It was cold out. I could see my breath. These past few weeks I haven't been unhappy.

That was just because I had Ashley.

* * *

I stood there at my register. I rang up people's groceries, I tried to smile. I tried to tell them all to have a good day, but I was tired. I was anxious. Loaves of bread, milk went past me, but I was unaware of it all. Coffee, magazines, and donuts. But across my the light came on. I looked and saw her. She smiled at me. Her hair was braided behind her, but she smiled at me.

It's barely been that long but all of a sudden it came out right. No matter how terrible I was at math, everything finally came out right. I smiled back at her as I mindlessly rang up three pounds of coffee.

I am in love with Ashley Hansen.


End file.
